Good Luck, Babe! - Leah Williamson

14. This Is Me Trying

Ella's POV.

As soon as Leah made up an excuse to leave, I felt a knot tighten in my stomach. She'd been distant all night, and I couldn't shake the feeling that she was slipping away from me, even though she was sitting right there on my sofa, just inches away. Her excuse was flimsy - something about needing to get an early night because of a morning training session. But I knew Leah better than that. She was trying to put space between us, and I felt helpless to stop it.

When she left, the silence in my house was deafening. I replayed the evening over and over in my head, dissecting every look, every word, every moment where Leah had pulled back or glanced at her phone. I couldn't help the sinking feeling that Rachel had something to do with it.

I understood that Leah didn't want to push me, that she was giving me space to figure things out, but it felt like that space was stretching into a chasm. And as much as I wanted to be brave, to dive headfirst into whatever this was between us, I was still scared. I was scared of what it all meant, of what it said about me. And more than anything, I was scared of losing Leah.

I tried to sleep, but my mind wouldn't shut off. I kept thinking about the way Leah had withdrawn when I tried to kiss her, the way she seemed to be slipping through my fingers like sand. I couldn't keep doing this - this back-and-forth, this uncertainty. But I didn't know how to stop it either.

The next day, the unease lingered. I couldn't sit still, couldn't focus on anything. The walls of my room felt like they were closing in on me, suffocating me with all the thoughts I was too afraid to say out loud. I needed to talk to someone, to get out of my own head.

So, I texted Beth. She was one of my oldest friends, someone I could always rely on. If anyone could help me make sense of what I was feeling, it was her. I invited her out for a walk in the afternoon, and added that she could bring her girlfriend, Viv, if she wanted. Part of me thought it might be easier to talk if there was someone else there, someone to distract from the heaviness of the conversation I knew I needed to have.

Beth replied quickly, saying she'd love to come, but that Viv was busy with her coaching studies. A part of me was relieved. As much as I liked Viv, I guess I really needed to talk to Beth alone.

When Beth arrived, I was waiting by the park entrance, trying to calm my racing heart. She greeted me with a warm smile and a hug, her presence instantly soothing some of the anxiety that had been gnawing at me all night.

"So, what's up?" she asked, as we started walking along the tree-lined path. Her tone was casual, but I could tell she knew something was bothering me. Beth had always been good at reading me, even when I didn't want to be read.

I took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to even start this conversation. It wasn't something I'd ever said out loud before, not even to myself. But if I didn't say it now, I felt like I'd burst.

"I... I think I might be bisexual," I blurted out, my voice trembling slightly. The words hung in the air between us, heavy and raw, as if saying them made them more real.

Beth stopped walking, turning to face me with a look of understanding that I hadn't even realised I was craving. She didn't say anything right away, just let the words settle. Then she reached out, placing a comforting hand on my arm.

"That makes so much sense," she said softly, her eyes kind. "Ella, you've been struggling with this for a long time, haven't you?"

I nodded, feeling a wave of relief wash over me. It was like finally exhaling after holding my breath for far too long. "Yeah, I have. But I didn't want to admit it to myself. And now... with Leah... everything's so confusing."