The Outsiders: We Can't Move On

The Dream

I was snapped back to reality as I heard my name, almost off in a distance.

"Ponyboy, you've been reading for an hour! Time for bed, kiddo."

"Alright, I'm coming." I jumped into bed beside Soda, getting a glance at the book's title. Gone With The Wind. I left the note on the first page. A note that will impact my life forever. I still haven't even considered reading the rest of the book. Maybe I never will.

I stared at the ceiling, trying to figure what was bugging me so much. I was over it, I guess. Maybe it was the atmosphere. Everyone was being way too careful not to talk about Johnny and Dally. Steve was even letting me tag along with him and Soda.

"You okay, Pony?" I heard Soda say in the middle of my thoughts.

"What? Oh, yeah."

"No you're not."

I sighed. "Yeah." He stared at me with those sensitive eyes of his. I was really wishing he would leave me alone. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love having Soda there to listen to me, but not about Johnny and Dally. I wanted everyone to act normal. And talking about them wouldn't do anything but make it worse.

"You have a test tomorrow, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Did you actually study?"

"A little. Darry made sure of that."

He laughed, "Yeah."

I started to say something about Darry being at work a little longer lately, but a noise distracted me.

"COME AND DO THE JAILHOUSE ROCK WITH ME!..." I heard from outside, but just barely. Well, Two-bit acted normal enough. Well, normal isn't quite the right word.

I sighed and stared at the ceiling, grinning. Soda chuckled. He opened the window and yelled, "Two-bit, go home! We're trying to sleep." He slammed it shut and got back in bed.

One thing was bugging me real bad, and had been for a while. I decided to get it off my chest, even though I didn't want to talk about them. "Hey Soda?"

"Yeah?" he asked sleepily.

"Do you...do you think Dally asked for forgiveness?" I bit my lip and looked at him, expecting him to tense up or bite his lip. He didn't though, and that calmed me down.

"Yeah. I think he did. He made bad choices, but he probably had his mind straight enough to do that," he reassured me. He slung his arm across me, and soon his breathing was light and regular. I started thinking about them again. Stop it. You're making it worse.

Why did all this have to happen? All of it. Because we're greasers? Because they were gallant? Who knows. I looked at Soda. I can't see why Sandy would do that to him. She didn't seem like that kind of girl either.

Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold.

You get tough like me and you don't get hurt. You look out for yourself and nothing can touch you.

I started thinking about everything that had happened, and then what should really happen. They should be alive. Johnny would never go back to his house again, and he'd lose that scared, helpless look in his eyes. He could tell Dally about the good in the world, and maybe even get him to look at a sunset. Maybe he'll stay out of trouble...no. Maybe the Socs will leave us alone, or we might move to the country.

As I rambled on and on in my mind, it slowly turned into a dream...

***

I bolted up panting. A sense of hazy confusion rushed over me, and I looked around slowly, and found the place familiar. I noticed I was right beside a fountain. A fountain...

I realized what was going on and sprung up looking around wildly. Where's Johnny? Where's Johnny?!
Through the mixed up thoughts, I remembered what happened that night. My stomach turned into a chunk of ice. Slowly, unwillingly, I looked at the ground. But he wasn't dead...

Bob was kneeling on the ground, clutching a blade. A six inch switchblade. Dark to the hilt.
"It's all your fault Ponyboy. You shoulda never sat by those girls. You knew you didn't have a chance. Especially that hood that made moves on Cherry. Trash like you don't stand a chance."

I wanted to say something, but I couldn't. I physically couldn't.

"We're all dead, and it's your fault. I suppose it wouldn't have mattered anyway," he said with a sudden cold, satisfied smirk on his face. "I would've caught him anyway."

I looked behind me, and my stomach twisted in knots. Johnny was on the ground clutching his side, and he lifted his hand to reveal a patch of blood. I ran over to him and wrapped my arm around him.

"Johnny," I said shakily.

It's just a dream. You're about to wake up. It's just a dream. It's just a dream!

I looked at Bob, ready to beat the tar out of him. But he suddenly wore a helpless look on his face, almost like Johnny's.

"Don't listen to it! It's not your fault. I don't know why, kid. I don't know why this happened," he said. He collapsed, and in panic I looked at Johnny.

"J-Johnny. Please do-on't leave. Please," I cried.

His voice was weak. "Don't forget what I said. Wait, Po-" then he gasped and slumped against my shoulder. I heard gunshots and visions of flames clouded my mind. More happened, but I didn't remember what it was. I was about to lose it when-

***

"Ponyboy!" I recognized the voice but couldn't place it. "Ponyboy! Wake up!" Someone was shaking me.

I quit screaming after realizing that I was. My breath came in smothering gasps, I was trying to figure out what was going on.

"He's awake," I hear Soda say. He held me like he held Johnny when he was jumped. "Hey. You're okay. It's okay."

I was sweating something fierce, but I was cold and shivering.

I sobbed into his shoulder for a few seconds, although I couldn't think of why. "It's alright. Nothing can hurt you now. None of it really happened."

I opened my eyes that were blurred by tears and looked around wildly. Darry was at my side, his eyes wide open. In horror I realized that I had had the dream again.

Not the dream. The nightmare.