Empty Space | Jeon Jungkook

Part 02

**

"I meant to tell you this earlier but... you look like shit."

"Thanks, it's the same thing my reflection told me this morning," you respond.

Yeonjun chuckles. "Wouldn't wanna be that reflection, then. You probably looked worse."

This little brat thinks he's funny, but you manage a small laugh anyway. He's the only company you get during this time of the year, and though not by choice, you can't really imagine commemorating a death anniversary with anyone else.

But then again, there isn't really anyone else to commemorate it with. The only person you imagine downing a bottle of black with while reminiscing old times is the one buried six feet under. You take another swig.

"Sometimes I wish I was younger," he says. "That way I remember less of her." He takes the bottle from you. "That's better right? Less memories, less pain?"

If he was referring to any other person, you would agree. But not when it comes to your best friend. Any bit of time you had with her was worth every ounce of pain that followed after her passing.

"Your sister wouldn't think so. She was glad you were born when you were. Any younger, we probably wouldn't have let you drink as much as we did," you laugh. Another swig.

You and Yeonjun let the silence engulf you, the only other sounds are the rustling leaves and the faint car horns not so far away. The anniversary this year falls on a Friday and you'd taken a day-off to spend it like you always do - back in your hometown, with your best friend's brother, drowning your sorrows in grease and alcohol.

I wish it was me. The words threaten to leave your mouth but the man beside you, with all his strength, would probably hit you.

"I wish she took me with her. That would've been better," you say instead.

"She's probably rolling her eyes in her grave right now if she still had them," he smacks your arm. "I thought we were over this."

"Fine," you say, exhaling deeply.

It was just reflex for you to think that way - wishing it was you, then wishing it was with you. The wishing never ends, really.

"I wish she buried my memories with her. At least the ones that didn't include her."

Four years of sharing loneliness and grief and Yeonjun already sees right through you.

"You had a dream about him again, didn't you?" He asks.

You take a longer swig of the bottle. You denied it the first time but gave up the two times after.

"Exact same thing, exact same scene. It always starts and ends the same way. I don't get it." You hand him the bottle and spread your legs, arms now laying outward to support your body. "Who dreams about sex like that?"

"Dreaming about your ex happens to more people than you think."

"He isn't my ex."

"Potato-potato. He was dicking you down on the daily and he seemed just as into you as you were into him," he says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"He rejected me, remember? And he clearly wasn't who he said he was. It was all an act; I thought that was pretty clear."

Yeonjun hums in agreement, not wanting to press further.

"I burned everything we had; I don't know why he has to keep showing up in my dreams," you continue.

Limbs still spread out, you look at the orange-purple sky and wish you could see your friend's face instead.

"Maybe she's trying to tell you something," Yeonjun breaks the silence.

"And what could that possibly be?"

"Maybe she wants you to forgive him."

**