Empty Space | Jeon Jungkook

Part 14

**

You don't know how long Jungkook has been holding you but he doesn't budge. Arms still taut, he's making sure he doesn't loosen his grip on you; he doesn't want you to feel that he's letting you go again.

You shift your head that's been laying on the dip of his chest.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Are the first words that exit your mouth after what felt like hours. "I blamed you for years, Jungkook. Why didn't you tell me?" You look up at him, eyes still glassy. "And why did you leave if it wasn't your fault?"

His eyes soften at your words and he can't help but wipe away the tears that fall from your eyes. His fingers travel to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and he takes your head and lays it on his chest again, shifting now to a more comfortable position. Like this is natural. Like nothing has changed.

"I didn't know how to tell you, ___," he starts, his hand caressing your head now. "I knew you were going to blame yourself and it was better that you blamed me instead."

You let this process and you hate that he's right. You would've blamed yourself - for not prying, for not being more observant, for not knowing the inner turmoil that Yi-soo was going through. Because you were supposed to know; best friends were supposed to know.

"Word would go around about me being undercover and the other guys knew about us. And whether they figured out that it was Yi-soo who alerted the police or not, you were the common thread. I knew they would try to come for you at some point. And I couldn't let that happen."

You allow yourself this time of absolute weakness and wrap your arm around his waist.

"I had to leave, and so did you," he continues. "I cleared you and Yeonjun with the police, made sure you didn't have to testify and go through everything again. I asked them to convince you to move out of town."

You tighten your grip.

"I wanted to see you so badly, ___. I wanted to be there for you but I couldn't. But I was at the funeral. I was outside the apartment when you packed your things. I was at the train station when you left." He lifts your head to level with him. "I just needed to know you were safe."

Dark brown eyes stare back at you. "The only way I could protect you was to stay away from you, and I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything more."

It's the way he's looking at you, holding you, that breaks you apart again, but in a different way. This isn't hurt you're feeling - it's regret and relief at finally being able to let go.

You've been living with a dark cloud hanging above your head for years over what happened, at the anger and blame towards this man, at the guilt over not being able to protect your best friend, and the utter lack of control you had in your life. You couldn't control your emotions, your dreams, your memories, especially not the people you lost. You realize now that people make their own decisions, and even if others pay for it, too, so do they.

You break and you're crying again. But unlike all the other nights that you cried yourself to sleep all alone, this time, someone else is here with you.

**