Rules for Dating a Meme Guardian (an Smg34 fanfic)

Behind Locked Doors

"For the absolute last time, we are not sending him to a desert island."

"Well why the hell not? Then he'd be far away, and free to destroy whatever he wants."

"He'd die. There's no food on a desert island, stupid."

"Would he? Would he really?"

The two were in Smg4's room, looking up places to send Mario. Well, Three was anyway. Four was sitting on his bed, organizing the photos on his phone. "Yes, he would. He can't magically spawn food, Three." "Yeah, but I'm sure he'd find something to eat. Maybe a fish or some fruit." Four rolled his eyes, then laughed at the thought of Mario attempting to fish. "Yeah, thats not gonna work. And come on, fruit? When have you ever seen Mario be healthy?" Smg3 turned around and looked at Four. "You're one to talk about healthy." Four looked to the side sheepishly. He really wasn't one to talk about being healthy, considering Three had to constantly remind him to take meal breaks and get some sleep. "Oh, whatever. You know what I mean. Its not gonna happen." Smg3 groaned in frustration turning around again towards the computer. "Dude, come on help me out! We're technically doing him a favor. I mean, I'd kill to be completely alone." "Surprised I'm not dead then," Smg4 mumbled, still looking at his phone. Three sighed, got up and walked towards Four. "Come on, Four. You know damn well that's not what I meant." Four giggled, then scooted over so Three could join him on the bed. Three sat down next to him and looked over his shoulder, trying to see what was so important. "What are you doing anyway?" he asked, leaning his head on Four's shoulder. "Oh, just organizing these photos." "If you wanna organize, maybe start with that stupid closet full of papers and boxes." Smg3 mumbled, suddenly feeling sleepy just by resting his head on Four. Four playfully shoved him, causing the sleepy man to jolt awake. "Ah! Sorry, I didn't know you were falling asleep!" Three punched his arm playfully. "Sureee you didn't. If you don't want me next to you just say so dammit." "Well, in that case..." Smg4 joked, rubbing his arm where Three hit him, then getting up to grab a water bottle from his desk. Smg3 gasped dramatically. "Really? After all this, you don't even want to be near me? How dare you!" he said, pretending to be offended. Smg4 nearly choked on the water, trying and failing at not laughing, enjoying the fake charade Three was putting on. He swallowed the water and put the bottle back on his desk, then turned towards Three and put his hands on his hips. "How dare I? You're the one who said you wanted to be alone!" Smg4 said, playing along with this fake argument the two were having. "Yeah, but being away from you isn't what I meant! I meant it in a different sense!" "Well what way did you mean-wait..." Smg4 stopped, repeating Smg3's words in his head, and smiled smugly. "What?" Smg3 asked, confused by the smug look on his face. "Did you just admit you like being around me?" Three's face flushed, and he scrambled for a response. "W-what? No! I would never say that! What makes you think I would ever enjoy being around you, you baka!" Smg4 laughed at the frantic response, knowing damn well that Three only got like that when he was flustered. "Aww come on, admit it! You love spending time with me, right? I'm easily your second favorite being in existence?" Smg4 asked, walking closer to Three. Three rolled his eyes and turned away, not wanting to encourage Four's smug behavior. "I never said any of that. Now you're making stuff up." Smg3 responded. Four raised an eyebrow at him and scoffed. "I'm making stuff up? You literally just said you like being with me." Smg3 turned around slowly, his face completely frozen in a mix between confusion and anger. "I did not"- he narrowed his eyes and clenched his fists-"fucking say that." Four took notice of Three's hands and instantly dropped the smug look, going into a more apologetic one instead. "Sorry," he apologized, not wanting to make Three any more mad than he already was. "I was just teasing, I didn't mean to upset you." Smg3 raised an eyebrow, confused as to why he was apologizing. "What? You...didn't upset me...the hell are you apologizing for?" "You're fists," was all Smg4 said before Three noticed that yeah, he did look angry. "Oh shit, no I'm not mad, I just tend to do this. Its one of those instincts I guess. Or whatever you call it. You know, those habits you do without realizing? Whatever that word is. Anyways, don't apologize, I'm not upset." Smg4 turned his head to the side. "You sure?" Three smiled, finding it silly how much Four cared about upsetting him. "Yeah, I'm sure." He pulled Four up on the bed, and they sat there for a while, just existing in the silence of Four's room. "So...wanna look for places to ship Mario?" "Oh my God, no. We are not sending him away." "Why the hell not? I mean, come on Four, think of all the free time we'd get!" Four laid his head on Three's shoulder, already exasperated despite not actually doing anything. "Free time? To do what?" "Well, you could actually get some work done in a quiet environment, you'd have less chaotic adventures, more peaceful days, and well, we could hang out peacefully." Smg3 mumbled the last part, seemingly embarrassed about it. Four smiled and moved to lay his head on Three's lap. "You know, I kinda like that. But we can't just send him away. And besides, he'll find a way back when we least expect it. I mean, come on, this is Mario we're talking about, remember?" Three looked down at him and sighed. "Yeah, you're right. Guess we're stuck with his annoying ass forever." Smg3 gave a little smile, enjoying seeing Four comfy while laying on him. Four gave a smile back, then looked around the room and back at Three. "You know, it's kind of quiet right now..." he trailed off, hoping Three would get the hint. Three listened, then the words clicked in his head. "Yeah, it is isn't it?" Smg4 nodded. "It doesn't seem like we're going to be interrupted anytime soon." he said as he got up, propping himself up with his hands. Smg3 reached for his face and cupped his cheek. You're absolutely right. And you know what?" he asked as he moved closer to Smg4. "What?" Four whisper-asked, his breath hitching as Three got closer to him. "I'm gonna take this opportunity." he whispered, causing Four to shiver. He leaned in, both of them slowly moving closer to each other, when there was a loud bang on the door, making them jump. "Motherfucker." Smg3 whispered, making Smg4 snicker. "Why can't Mario-a break down this door?" They heard, along with some other voices they couldn't decipher. Smg4 looked at Smg3, who nodded in response. "Three,two, one." Smg3 dashed towards the closet as Smg4 opened the door to let Mario in. "Smg4! I think somethings wrong with-a your door." "I don't know what you're talking about, Mario. I haven't done anything to it." Smg4 kept Mario distracted as Smg3 quietly opened the closet door and tiptoed out of the room. Once Smg3 was completely out of sight, Smg4 asked Mario if he wanted to play some games. "Sure! What do you wanna play? We could play Mario's-a stupid Olympics, or Smash Each Other In The Ass Bros, or..." Mario went on, naming a bunch of video games. Smg4's phone vibrated, and he looked at it, reading the text from Smg3 that read "You sure we can't send him away?" Smg4 texted back "absolutely not" and then checked the list again.

Rule number 3: Whatever room you're in, always, ALWAYS lock and barricade the door.