The Waves of Sadness in the Ocean of my Heart

DEATH

Have you ever smelled death?
It comes around weeks prior.
Like a warning,
somehow you know it's coming.
The end of a life.

I didn't notice at first,
but then it grew stronger.

It is not a stench, it just smells weird,
like death.
Can't compare it to anything else.

I knew it was coming
and when it did I was there.
I saw her life leave her body.
I saw it in her eyes.
Like the light fading away from a lightbulb after turning it off.
Never saw something so empty.

Her body didn't quite feel like her after that.
She wasn't there.
She was emptier than an empty box of chocolates.
It stopped feeling like her and more like a thing.

An object.
The body of a loved one turned into an object.

I didn't cry.
I was somewhat baffled.
I even chuckled it out.
Death is such a weird thing.

Ever since, every time I hear the news of death I laugh.
I wish I could say why, but it's a pure response.
I don't find it funny. It's just how my body reacts.
I make people feel bad and uncomfortable.
Can't blame them.
Who in their right mind laughs at that kind of news?

It's been 6 years since her death.
I recall this event from time to time.
I cry now.

I hope I won't ever see anyone else die before my eyes.
I feel like a part of me left with her the moment I saw it happen
and ever since,
I know I'm not the same.