I don't know where I am. I'm frozen. I don't know who I am or how I got here. Did I walk? Did someone put me here? I just stand here. I'm almost afraid to move. I can't see anything. I can't hear anything. I don't make any noise. I just breathe.
"Charlie? Snap out of it, Charlie!"
I feel hands on me. I jump back and growl! Who touched me? Who's there? I'll rip you apart! Get away from me! Who are you? Where am I? Get me out of here!!! My hackles raise and I bare the sharp teeth I still have!!
"Stay back, kids!"
"Charlie! Hey, Charlie, you're okay! It's only me! It's only Mal."
I sniff. I smell something. I remember...I remember the man. Of course! It's the man! How could I forget? I relax my stance and try licking his hand. He pets me and strokes my back. I'm so sorry! How could I forget who this is? My human? My one and only?
"What happened, Malcolm?"
"It's like he jus'....zoned out for a minute...."
"What's wrong with Charlie?"
I smell wet salt on the children's faces. They're here too! And the woman! I remember! Of course, I remember all of you! I know where I am, I'm right at home like always! Oh, I'm so sorry to have growled at all of you! Please forgive me! I don't know what came over me! I'm so sorry! Please don't be angry!
"Charlie isn't doing very well, honey."
"Why did he growl at us?"
"I don't know..."
**********
I have another accident. I promise it won't happen again and it does. I'm so ashamed. The humans are never mad at me for it. But they should be. Why aren't they? I've been so troublesome to them lately! Wetting and whining and growling at them and forgetting them and bumping into things I didn't know were there and....what's happening to me?
"This is the third time today!"
"Malcolm....I think it's time..."
".....fuckin' hell, Linda....what happened? He was jus' a puppy yesterday, how did this happen?"
I smell more wet salt. The humans cry a lot lately. It must be because of me! All the problems I cause! I whine! I whimper! I wish dogs could cry! What's going on? What are the humans doing? What's happening to me???
**********
"Kids, Mum an' I have to talk to ya' about somethin'..."
I feel the children petting me. Their hands are always smaller than the man and woman's. And they always smell like food or feel sticky. I like sniffing them. I never know what I'm going to find.
"We don't want Charlie to go!"
"I know, but-but Charlie isn't as happy as he used to be, he's not happy like this. And we just want Charlie to be happy, don't we?"
"We don't want Charlie to go!!!"
The children bury their faces in my fur! They're shaking and crying! They hug me and I sit very still. I end up soaking wet from them. I lick the air and yawn. There's not much else I can do.
"We love you, Charlie."
I love my pack. I love my family.
**********
"I'm real sorry to hear that, Mal....anythin' I can do for ya'?"
"No. No, I jus'....I wanna spend some time with him. Before we do this."
"Call me if ya' need anythin'."
"Thanks, Ang....I will."
The man pets me. He sits next to me on the couch and pets me. He pets my back and my shoulders. He scratches my ribs gently and strokes my paws. He strokes my leg that's shorter than the others. I lick it a few times. It tastes good. I feel his lips on my head and ears.
I can smell smoke. I smell fancy spray. I smell the woman and children. But they're not here right now. It's just me and the man. The human. My best friend. I'm so glad he found me. I'm so lucky to have a family as wonderful as this. They love me and I love them.
**********
Everyone is crying. I can smell it. I feel their tears on my fur. I hold still and let everyone wrap their arms around me.
"We'll miss you, Charlie."
"You're our best friend."
I love these children. Why are they crying? It's okay, everything will be okay. I have a deep canine intuition that everything is going to turn out fine. You'll see. Nothing to cry about. Your old boy Charlie is going to be just fine.
"You've been such a good boy, Charlie....we're sorry for-for any time we ever yelled at you....or made you feel bad...."
I smell the woman. Boy, she's crying a lot. I lick her. I'll be okay. Please don't everyone worry about me, okay?
"You're a good boy. You've never....ever been a bad dog. And we love you."
Someone hooks my rope to me. Someone picks me up. I smell the man. I don't smell salt on his face. If he's fine, why is everyone else crying? What's going on?
I feel a light breeze. We're outside. It's cool out here. I'm glad I have all my fur to keep me warm. I feel a cushion under me. The car? This must be the car. It's been a long time since I've been in one of these. At least a year. The man takes me off the cushion and puts me on his lap. I might as well curl up and enjoy the ride.
**********
I'm still on his lap. We're inside a building now. I can smell plenty of other dogs. They all smell so young. Some are scared. I used to be scared of this place. Not anymore. The man stands up and carries me further into the building. It's warm in this building.
He sets me down on a table. I remember tables like this. The people with blue hands would poke me and inspect me. I hated it. But I'm not worried. I don't feel scared at all. I feel safe and warm and loved. My human is here and everything is going to be okay.
"So this is Charlie?"
"Yeah...it is."
"How old is he?"
"Fifteen and a half."
I feel something cold and hard press against my side. It's taken away. I can tell this human has blue hands. I can't see them but I can feel their rubbery texture. Smooth and plastic. A distinct smell.
"Okay, sir, whenever you're ready I can administer the sedative and he'll fall asleep. You can talk to him first if you want."
I smell the man very strongly. He smells greatly of smoke. I've grown to love the smell. It's his smell. It's the smell of home.
"Hey, Charlie....you've been the best dog anybody ever asked for, ya' know? Anyone who met ya' would say the same. An' uh...Linda and the kids love you very much. You've made 'em all real happy an' you've made me happy too. We'll never forget ya', okay?"
I can feel the blue hands gently lay me on my side. I let them. It will be okay. Nothing bad is going to happen. I wish I could make my owner understand. I wish I could tell him how much I love him. I lick his nose.
Something pokes my skin. Something sharp sticks my leg. I sigh. I feel calm. I feel relaxed. My human is here. And nothing will change that. We'll be together here forever. Just the two of us. Like the good old days....
I feel hot tears on my fur. "I love you, Charlie. You're my best boy."
I can feel myself slowly falling asleep. My heart slows down and my breathing deepens. I feel so tranquil and at peace with the world. I'm a good dog. And this is a good man.
I love you, owner....
