Reading Between (the line)

Scene 23

A/n: 

Hi!

First, I'd like to apologize for the late update. I know, sorry ✌️. I became unexpectedly busy with work over the past two weeks, and I got sick last weekend, so I spent those days lying around. I wanted to update two chapters today, but since I'm still not fully healed, please accept this one-chapter update instead. HAHA 😏

Hope you enjoy this. Adios! 😉

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My heart was pounding nervously, and it wasn't just because I was sick. It was the piercing glare from the person sitting on the couch that made my pulse race.

Praewa had been silent for what felt like an eternity after everyone else left. I had tried to break the uncomfortable silence, but my efforts were futile.

Unable to suppress my curiosity any longer, I dropped my phone beside me and looked at her. "Is there something you want to tell me, N'Praewa? You've been..." I hesitated. I wanted to say 'glaring', but opted for a subtler word, 

"...staring at me for a while now."

She was still silent after that so I attempted to ask again. "Do you want to ask me some—"

"Why did you not tell me?" She finally spoke, cutting me off and breaking the eerie silence.

I tilted my head, not understanding her question. Seeing my confusion, she clarified, "Why didn't you inform me that you're sick?" 

After hearing her question, I was taken aback. Here I was, overthinking things. I honestly thought that I had done something to upset her. I'm glad I didn't. I breathed out a sigh of relief, but her fierce eyes quickly suppressed that feeling.

Startled, I stammered a reply, "W-well, I... uh, didn't want to disturb you on our long-awaited rest day after months of shooting." I awkwardly smiled.

Though I stuttered, I wasn't lying. I genuinely didn't want to disturb her. Also, I never call anyone when I'm sick. Besides, she and her girlfriend probably had plans, right? They were together the night before after all.

I paused. Reality sucks. And it's painfully, sharply true. Damn it.

"So, what?!"

Praewa's mildly raised voice snapped me back. "You live alone, P'Noon. Did you forget that?"

"N-no. I didn't." I answered quickly. "But I'm confident I can manage. It's not my first time being sick—"

"What?!"

My eyes widened as Praewa shot up from the couch and walked aggressively towards me. "What did you say? This isn't your first time collapsing alone in your apartment? When did it happen? How did you manage? And why didn't you tell me?!"

Since the day she vowed to keep our relationship strictly professional, this was the first time Praewa had shown such concern for me. It brought a smile to my lips.

"Wait a minute. Are you that worried about me, Nong Praewa?" In merry, I decided to tease her.

Flustered, Praewa's eyes widened. "W-what? O-of course not!" She quickly denied. "I was just, um, curious! Right! Just curious." She came up with a lame excuse.

"Curious about what?" I asked her, brows furrowed. I knew she was lying, but she looked so cute, trying hard to think of a reason. And then there were her red ears too.

"Y-you see, I was planning to move out in the future. I just wanted some pointers from someone who has lived alone for so long. Why? Is it wrong to ask?" she angrily asked, rolling her eyes in annoyance.

I chuckled bitterly. I knew I was the one who started teasing her, but her firm denial stung a bit. "No, it's not wrong. And of course, I'll be happy to answer all your questions, so don't worry. Besides, I was just teasing you a bit. There's no need to strongly deny that you're worried about me," I said playfully.

"I was not denying! It's the truth!" She insisted.

I just nodded, still grinning. "Yeah. All right."

"I was really not!" she emphasized again. When I didn't respond but kept my teasing smile, she suddenly exploded in annoyance. "Fine! I was worried! Happy now?" she yelled.

Not expecting that confession, my grin instantly faded. When I saw Praewa's red eyes brimming with tears, I sat up straight on the bed and quickly apologized. "I-I'm sorry, Nong Praewa. I was wrong," I admitted. When her tears welled up further, I added, "I-I didn't mean to upset you. I'm really sorry."

"I am not upset! I'm worried!" She corrected and yelled at me again.

I wanted to ask her why she had just denied it earlier, but I felt it wasn't the right thing to say, so I kept my mouth shut.

"And so what if I am? We're still colleagues, an onscreen partner, and co-members. Isn't it more wrong to be unconcerned?" Praewa wiped her tears harshly. "You're teasing me because you thought I still had feelings for you and that's why I was concerned, is that it?" She asked, her eyes cold and mocking. "Then you couldn't be more wrong."

"Aside from us still being colleagues, you and I both know the real reason why you got sick," she added.

Instantly understanding what she meant, my expression darkened. I quickly looked away to hide it. "I do not know what you're talking about," I firmly denied. "I got sick because I was overworked. That's all."

"Probably, yes. That would be the case. But I know that's only part of it. If you hadn't let yourself get so drenched that night, you wouldn't be so sick to the point of collapsing," she rebutted.

I looked back at her. "I was not drenched. What are you talking about? I ran so fast towards my car that I was almost dry when I got inside. So, no. That night has nothing to do with—"

"Will you cut it, P'Noon?" She interrupted me again. "You're fully aware that that instance is not what I was talking about." Her eyes were so sure, telling me to stop my game of denial.

I had no choice but to look away from her again. After clenching my teeth and briefly closing my eyes to calm myself, I sighed and admitted, "Fine. Maybe you're right. Maybe it was because I was pathetically watching you get into Mai's car and leave me like that that I lost the strength to even hold the umbrella up. It wasn't for me, anyway. It was for you." I paused. "Because I can't stand the thought of you being drenched in the rain like me. You get feverish so easily from it, and seeing you weak and in pain tears me apart. I don't want that. I hate that. It breaks me to see you suffer."

I took a deep breath. I may be feeling better, but I'm not yet fully healed. Maybe that's why the raging emotions inside me were gradually emerging. I could no longer suppress them. I would drown.

"So, when you left with her, what's the use of that f*cking umbrella anymore? None, right?" I finally turned back to her.

Praewa's expression was blank, but her eyes spoke volumes. Whatever it was, I could no longer read them. She had changed. I had changed her.

I clenched my fists as my chest hurt, both literally and figuratively. I was fully aware that this was all the consequence of my own actions. But how come no one told me that reciprocating love late could cause this much pain?

"Tell me, Praewa. If I had told you that I was sick, would you have come to tend to me?" I asked, hoping she would say yes. But when she looked away without saying anything, I got the harsh answer that tore my remaining hope of getting her back.

I smiled bitterly at myself. "I see."

I'm giving up.

-frappyskye