False Start

part two episode four

authors note: angst/cussing/ a bit of a steve and stacey interaction this slow burn is going to be worth it besties. 

Lost in thought, you don't notice Jonathan walking towards you until he grasps at your arm and flings you along back to the car with him. He's breathing heavily and you notice that he's shaking. He's in no condition to drive.

As you near the car you quickly reach around and grab his keys from his pocket before running over to the driver's side and throwing yourself into the seat. Jonathan hates when you drive the car, not because you're a bad driver, but because some part of him truly believes it's impolite to make a girl drive.

As cute as you think his chivalry is, today you couldn't give more of a damn.

Jonathan stands outside your door. "Stacey-"

"Nope, no time to argue, Byers. Get in."

"But-"

"In."

He does as he's told, albeit with some attitude, but eventually the two of you are off. Without having to ask, you drive to the local funeral home. While you and Jonathan are similar in many ways, the one thing that pulls you together is planning. You both cling onto the stability that planning provides, and right now Jonathan is clinging onto his responsibilities for Will's funeral.

Like he told his mom earlier, you and him have a funeral to plan.

The funeral home is closer to the edge of Hawkins, so the drive is a longer one. Along the way Jonathan slowly begins to calm down, untensing his shoulders and releasing his clenched jaw. You let him take all the time he needs, thankful that for now you have some time to yourself to reflect over today's revelation.

You love Jonathan.

Those three words are heavy within your chest, and you almost don't want to think about them, but you know that sooner or later you'll have to. You glance at Jonathan, the late fall sun casts a warm glow on his face that for a brief moment brings back the boy you knew only a week ago, before everything changed. Then he turns to face you and you see the red in his eyes, his cheeks sunken in, and you know that you don't have the time to unravel whatever you feel for him.

He needs his best friend right now.

Jonathan's voice breaks you from your thoughts, his voice cracking a bit from disuse. "Can we talk about yesterday?"

You cast him a quick glance. "Yesterday?"

"Our... our fight, I guess and you telling me about El and how she might be connected to all of this?"

"Oh," you shift your hands on the steering wheel, now suddenly painfully aware of the silence within the car. "We don't have to right now, Johnny. We should be focusing on the funeral arrangements."

Your voice catches on the word "funeral", it still hasn't sunk in yet that Will is really gone.

"Stace, for the past eighteen hours all I've been thinking about is Will," he takes a shaky breath and you gently place a hand on his, encouraging him to keep talking, "but when I'm not thinking about him... I'm thinking about you and what-what you said yesterday."

"I said a lot yesterday-"

Jonathan gives you a pleading look. "Please just let me get this out, okay?"

You purse your lips but remain silent.

"I will never, ever deserve you. This week and my actions have proven that. This isn't some pathetic attempt to make you pity me, I was an asshole to you and I recognize that. You love people in a way that terrifies me, Stacey. You're my best friend and I think I would actually die if I ever lost you."