He Who Finds A Girlfriend

Chapter 12: Emotional Damage

I remembered how in love I was with Nathan's father and how he made me feel at the start of our relationship.

At the beginning of our relationship, he showered me with so much attention and affection, making me believe I was the center of his universe. His charming smile as he looked at me made my heart race, and I felt like I had found someone truly extraordinary.

However, as time passed, I noticed some warning signs I had initially brushed aside. His tendency to flirt with every girl around us became increasingly apparent.

He would insist that his friendly nature is a part of his charismatic personality, that drew people in. I wanted to believe him and trust his intentions were pure, but deep down, a nagging sense of unease grew.

Whenever I expressed my concerns about his behavior, he would dismiss them with a wave of his hand, telling me that I wasn't his mother and to stop trying to control his life. I felt invalidated, and I started questioning my instincts.

As the relationship progressed, his dismissive attitude morphed into something more troubling. The flirtation escalated, and I found myself feeling increasingly insecure. I would watch him interact with other women, feeling a mix of jealousy and confusion. He had ways of making me feel like my jealousy was not sound judgment, as if I were overreacting to something that was simply a part of who he was. But the more I tried to voice my discomfort, the more he pushed back, making me feel small and irrational.

Over time, his behavior took a darker turn.

The emotional manipulation escalated into physical abuse.

I found myself in situations where I felt trapped and forced into sexual encounters that I was not comfortable with.

He would threaten me, using the idea that other girls were eager to be with him as a weapon against me. It was as if he wanted to remind me that I was replaceable and that I should be grateful for his attention, no matter how it came.

The intimacy that once felt exhilarating became a burden, a source of anxiety rather than joy.

Maddie My best friend began to notice the changes in me. She would inquire whether I was okay and happy, but I dismissed her concerns, confident I could manage things.

I didn't want to admit that the man I adored was capable of such cruelty. I felt trapped in a cycle of denial, clinging to the hope that the charming man I had fallen for would return if I tried hard enough to make things work. I convinced myself that I could fix him if I loved him enough; he would be better and do better.

When I discovered I was pregnant with Nathan, everything changed. I had hoped this news would bring us closer together and be a turning point in our relationship. Instead, it became the final straw for him.

The man who once made me feel incredibly valued abandoned me to face the challenges of pregnancy alone.

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My mind and emotions were jumbled, and I was exhausted and depleted from drinking and not sleeping enough. After arriving at work, I called the first person I knew I could confide in without fear of being judged and who supported me. Even when we were younger, we were as thick as thieves. Apart from the hour-long interrogation, she cheered me up and made me feel better about what had transpired.

After work, I made my way home. I couldn't help but reminisce about how my father treated my mother with such gentleness; he looked at her with such admiration when I was younger. I always wanted what they had; they loved and cherished one another. However, now I tell myself I can't fall for that romantic notion. I have to be strong and not get caught up again. I will be strong, especially for my son, Nathan, who depends on me.

I arrived home, and my heart was filled with happiness. My baby was overjoyed to see me, and as I picked him up and twirled him around, his laughter echoed through the room. Being at home felt like the right place for me. My child's pure and innocent love brought me immense joy, making me feel valued and appreciated. His playful nature is infectious and inspires me to find joy in the simplest things in life. It's a reminder to appreciate the smallest things in life and find delight in them.

The night settled in, and I felt a wave of happiness wash over me after enjoying a long, warm bath. The soothing water had enveloped me, washing away the stress and leaving me feeling refreshed and serene. As I stepped out, the soft, fluffy towel wrapped around me like a comforting hug, and I took a moment to appreciate the tranquility of the evening.

I snuggled with my baby on the couch, the soft glow of the television illuminating our cozy little corner of the world. We watched Pokémon together, the familiar theme song filling the room with nostalgia and joy. My baby's eyes sparkled with wonder as the colorful characters danced across the screen, and I couldn't help but smile at his innocent delight.

I gently stroked his hair, feeling the warmth of his tiny body against mine, and I cherished these simple moments that felt so precious. As the episode ended, I noticed his eyelids growing heavy and fluttering like delicate butterfly wings. With a sigh, he nestled deeper into my side, and I felt a wave of love wash over me.

It was a beautiful reminder of the bond we shared. Soon he peacefully fell asleep, his little breaths rhythmic and calm, and I felt a sense of fulfillment that only a parent could understand.

Before I closed my eyes, I whispered a short prayer, a quiet expression of gratitude for the day that had passed and the blessings that filled my life. I thanked God for my baby's laughter,  the warmth of our home, and the love. I asked for guidance and strength for the days to come, hoping to nurture and protect this little soul entrusted to me.

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Word count: 1026

-Shine