He Who Finds A Girlfriend

Chapter 15: Embarrassed

🤍Cary P.O.V🤍

This morning, I woke up feeling drained and irritable because of my hormones and period. I feel awful. I'm exhausted and super moody. One moment I'm okay, and the next I'm in tears. I had to take the day off. 

When my mom saw how I was doing, she offered to take Nathan out for the day and told me to get him ready.

I can't express how thankful I am for my mom; she's been an incredible support in my life, especially when raising her grandson. She loves Nathan, and her willingness to step in and help whenever I need it means the world to me. Knowing that he's in such loving hands allows me to take a moment to breathe and focus on myself, even for a little while. I truly appreciate everything she does.  I am lucky to have her by my side during these challenging times.

After I dressed Nathan, I jumped into a hot shower to ease some of the pain. I took some medicine and crawled back into bed to get some much-needed sleep, but I couldn't help but think about everything that happened between me and Michael.

"I could tell you weren't feeling well."

'What the'... I thought, but all I was able to say was "Oh."

"I noticed all your friends were out and you weren't."

Also, when we were on speaking terms, you mentioned having cramps around the same time, so I figured it must be that time of the month.

'What in the holy hell?' 

'Why hasn't the ground swallowed me up yet?'

I rubbed my head, thinking, 'This is so embarrassing.'

But then he mumbles, "I don't think you understand how much you mean to me."

That is when I had enough.

"I can't do this; I think you should leave."

"I'm in love with you, Cary."

"Huh?" I was almost breathless.

"I know it is a lot to take in." He said

"What's wrong?" He asked as he hurried over to me.

It was then that I realized I was weeping and unable to speak.

He continued as he rubbed circles on my hand and gently raised my face to meet his gaze. 

"I've always been in love with you."

My heart skipped a beat, whether from shock or excitement. I wasn't sure. My mind raced as I figured out the best way to respond.

While I knew it was important to speak from the heart, it was difficult for me to trust anyone.

I had been hurt so badly in the past that the mere thought of being hurt again terrified me.

' I will not allow anyone to hurt me the way My son's father Mason, hurt me. Never!'

"I will not allow anyone to hurt me again," I said as I stood up

"What do you mean 'again', Cary?"  He growls

 I looked away, crying rubbing my arms 

He sighed "Baby, don't shut me out, please talk to me," he said sincerely 

"I won't let anyone hurt me like that again," I declared, my voice trembling with a mix of anger and determination. 

The weight of my past felt heavy on my shoulders, but I refused to let it crush me any longer. 

"What do you mean by 'again,' Cary?" He asked a second time. He said it with his jaw clenched tightly, his brow furrowing as he stepped closer, his eyes searching mine for answers. I could see the worry etched on his face.

I turned my gaze down, tears streaming down my face as I rubbed my arms, trying to soothe the invisible scars that still lingered. The memories flooded back—moments of betrayal, of trust shattered, and of pain that felt insurmountable. I had thought I was over it, but the truth was, the wounds were still fresh, and I was terrified of being hurt once more.

"Please don't push me away, Cary. Just talk to me," he pleaded earnestly, his voice softening as he reached out, his hand hovering just above my shoulder as if he were afraid to touch me. I could feel the warmth radiating from him, a stark contrast to the chill that had settled in my heart.I took a shaky breath, trying to gather my thoughts. 

"You don't understand," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "I've been through so much. I have a hard time trusting people because they always let me down. I can't go through that again. I won't survive it." 

He stepped closer, closing the distance between us, his eyes never leaving mine. "Cary, I'm not them!  I'm not him. I'm not here to hurt you. I want to help you, to be there for you. Please, just let me in."

His sincerity wrapped around me like a lifeline, but the fear still clung to me like a shadow.I shook my head, the tears continuing to fall. 

"It's not that simple. I want to believe you, but that voice in my head tells me to run. It tells me that trusting someone again is a mistake." 

 He reached out, finally placing his hand on my shoulder, his touch gentle yet firm.

 "I promise I won't hurt you. I will never lie to you; I'll do everything I can to prove that to you. Just give me a chance."

"You don't understand, Michael; it's not that simple."

"I gave my heart to someone once, and he raped and abused me."

 "I recall many nights weeping and laying there with my body numb as he was on top of me. When he was finished, I would curl up after, disgusted, while he put on his clothing,  wondering if this was the norm. But deep inside, I knew it wasn't."

"I remember him dragging me into the kitchen by my neck and getting a knife, which he placed at my neck because I refused to do what he asked. He said that women are to do what men tell them to do."

"For three years, I endured extreme emotional, mental, physical, and financial abuse. I was completely isolated from everyone. I was afraid and embarrassed to tell anyone what was happening."

I chuckled. "ya know? People think that being physically abused is the worst, but being made fun of because they say your head is big, or that your lips are too big, or that you're ugly and stupid and no one wants you? is the worst." 

"He controlled what I wore, where I went, who I spoke to, and even my thoughts! "

"He broke my spirit to the point where I gave up on college. I gave up on my dreams. he prayed on my innocence. I caught him cheating on me with Nicole. I forgave them because I loved him And after I got pregnant with Nathan, he just left and never looked back."

I Chuckle "Ya know, I've never shared my story with anyone before; not even Maddie knows everything. You're the first person I'm telling about the things that happened, how I caught him and Nicole, and how he would force himself on me.

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Word count: 1162

-Shine