TNN Oneshots (Angst + Fluff)

Distorted Mirror

TW: Body dysmorphia!, slight ED Mention.

Sorscha's Pov:

I sit eating dinner with my wife, my lovely wife, Clodagh. She made some cobble as we haven't had time to visit Ireland in a while, this way we can get a bit of the homey feel. We are really just chatting about whatever comes to mind.

"Babe, you remember when at your old nursery..." She starts to talk, however I can't hear her. The old nursery I worked at I never liked it. It got shut down but that isn't the reason I disliked it.

They weren't safe for the children, especially SPED children. But the thing that still gets mento this day was when I wanted to apply for the deputy manager position.

She wanted me to wear makeup. But not just makeup. I'm no beauty guru, far from it, I don't usually wear makeup, however they wanted a lot from me. When the manager came up to me she started to talk about what I could fix about my face. My lips, nose, cheeks, even my eyes. She even continued on talking about my hair and clothes.

Pointing out things I never even thought of. It created so many insecurities I had never had before. In fact, I was always comfortable in my skin, until that day.

When I got home, I stared in the full length mirror I kept hung up on my door. Being 20, I was still very impressionable, I squished my nose to make it look smaller. Pursed my lips yo make them look better, stealing some of Clodagh's pink lipstick to make them have more color. I took out my hair, staring at the color and length.

I started to write a list of everything I found wrong with myself that I could fix. Just like what my manager said to do.

List
Hair color
Hair length
Hair style
Lips
Nose
Teeth
Stomach
Legs
Arms
Cheeks
Face shape
Eye color
Dull eyes
Freckles
Pale skin
Style in clothes

At the time I even had a small Instagram account. Maybe only 20-ish followers. Mostly friends and family. I had never gotten hate, but I started to edit the photos. I looked nothing like myself.

In those photos, I had brunette hair, crazy amount of makeup, bright blue eyes, tan skin, no freckles, bright white teeth, it looked like a different person.

I started to workout and eat less and less until I was eating next to nothing. I was losing weight. I checked three things off my list.

List
Hair color
Hair length
Hair style
Lips
Nose
Teeth
Stomach ✔️
Legs ✔️
Arms ✔️
Cheeks
Face shape
Eye color
Dull eyes
Freckles
Pale skin
Style in clothes

I felt satisfied, knowing I was fixing everything "wrong" with me so I started to obsess over the list I had made.

I cut my hair. I got blue contacts. I styled my hair differently. I started to use Clodagh's lipstick to give my lips color. My teeth were whitened professionally. I even started to consider and secretly save for plastic surgery for my nose. I even got a fake tan and started to put clothes in online baskets to get a new wardrobe

List
Hair color
Hair length ✔️
Hair style ✔️
Lips ✔️
Nose
Teeth ✔️
Stomach ✔️
Legs ✔️
Arms ✔️
Cheeks
Face shape
Eye color ✔️
Dull eyes ✔️
Freckles
Pale skin ✔️
Style in clothes

Clodagh never noticed the changes, I hid them well. With excuse after excuse. "I ate a lot at work." "i want to better myself" "I needed a change." I wore the contacts and makeup at work. I blocked her and my other immediate family on Instagram so they couldn't notice anything.

It wasn't until about 4 months in. I realized that this wasn't healthy but I didn't have anyone at work to go to so I called in sick and decided to spend the day with Clodagh. She could help.

"Hey.. babe. Can we talk about something important?" i nervously asked her.

"Yeah, Of course! Go ahead!" She sounded so sweet and caring.

"I.." I sighed and sat on the couch. "I made a list a few months ago, my manager told me I needed to change stuff if I wanted to apply for the deputy managers position. However when I got home, I tried doing just what she said but I got carried away and started to nitpick on everything. I was going to dye my hair and everything. It started with the list, and then editing myself on social media. Eventually, i started to act on it. I wanted to complete the list. But I think that it's becoming obsessive and I don't know what to do anymore.." My voice broke, and I broke. I couldn't hold myself together anymore.

Clodagh just stared in shock, even covering her mouth with her hand. She hugged me after I broke down. Just rubbing my back until I composed myself enough that she could talk.

"I'm glad you came to me. I know it's hard for you to reach out for help. Trust me, you're beautiful with your freckles, eyes, hair, everything. I love everything about you. You don't need to change for some stupid deputy managers position. Your health, mentally and physically isn't worth the position. We're getting by wonderfully. We aren't rich but we live comfortably and I'd rather that than you live in constant hatred of yourself. We'll play it day by day and we'll figure this out together." Her voice was so calm and genuine.

Back to present

"Babe- Babe-" I snap out of the flashback.

"Sorry, I got distracted. Continue on." Honestly though, we worked it out and I haven't been happier, without her I don't think I would have recovered to make the beautiful life we have today. The beautiful family. Quinn, her, and I. I'll forever be grateful for Clodagh, and all she's done.

A/N:
You cant have clorscha w/o sorscha. So unfortunately as much as I'd love to never make them have pain, they need a backstory. But if anyone is struggling dont be afraid to talk to a loved one. 🤍