FALAHA'S JOURNEY 2: Graveyard of the Gods

Episode #23

I relocated to the hull of Gal Runagh for the next stage of our merger. To contemplate. To meditate. To wage war with the inner enemy of my current existence. A duplicate of Beren's soma was now complete in my system, ready to replace the broken one. It was assembled from multiple parts of restored processes and some adjustments added from other beings I managed to tap into while proceeding with my regular routine. This data selection and copying ran in the background, without affecting my daily life. I even managed to select a few processes from Shaamta's and my own soma to be added to the mix.

I was contemplating the soma space where our two soma, mine and Beren's, violently collided.

"General, I'm about to drop the barrier and disable all your soma threads. Perhaps, you'll feel broken and bare for some time, but I have no knowledge how one feels without soma."

Can I do anything to help?

"Not much, but please don't panic. Especially when the new system injects itself into your blood stream. It is what I managed to salvage from your original one. Unfortunately, it will still come equipped with your regular hunger. However, Shaamta's changes will be reset. I also added something from him and myself as well, which would prevent him from meddling with your systems ever again."

Understood.

"Eyuran," I called. "I'm going in. Watch my back, it sure will get stormy in there. If I start drowning, restore the barrier. At least it will block out most of the cancerous processes."

On standby, was his reply.

"Let's begin then," I whispered, more to myself than to anyone else. And braced myself, squeezing my consciousness into a superdense ball, as the barrier dropped.

The attack came immediately, as my shining ball was swallowed by the angry Black. Now I felt in what pain his soma was. Thousands of the sharpest needles were piercing my very existence, looking for weak spots, for cracks in my consciousness, in my soma processes. It was the first time I learned soma experienced pain and looked for a way to release itself from it by inflicting pain onto someone else. To transfer this vile energy. But my soma was resistant enough and was absorbing the impact, proliferating into the damaged threads, overtaking them all at once and not allowing them to restore themselves. It was eating Beren's damaged soma, ripping it out of his system. I felt Beren's existence shredded, separated into tiniest pieces, and then it was time to roll out the restored system, to put him back together. My soma consumed everything to the last bit, decomposing it into separate components; made it but a tiny memory. The new system replaced the consumed one, undoing Shaamta's changes, and then the merger began.

Memories, feelings, emotions, desires and hunger. Monstrous hunger.

The hunger for black blood was integral part of Beren. He was helpless against its pull. Immediately it began feeding off my soma. But here came the difference in sizes. My soma was limitless, where his was limited. The hungry system choked on my experiences and memories, and the power differences, and finally calmed down, oversaturated and overstimulated. Beren's Core, reset to default existence, hid itself somewhere, overwhelmed by the energy outburst.

When everything subsided and the Black became calm as a still ocean, my shining ball of consciousness drifted forward and into the abyss of the Black to look for Beren's Core, lost in the storm.

I passed shining streams of countless memories, and somewhere in the deepest part of this Black the owner resided. I tapped each memory thread and looked into them to know, to understand.

Falaha, everything alright? Eyuran got through to me.

"Yes, Eyu, the restoration of the system was a success. I achieved the state where his existence was before Shaamta interfered with it. But Beren now is lost somewhere deep. If I unmerge us now, he will remain unconscious, so I must find him first. His soma calmed down, so no shield is necessary. Though who knows what I will encounter here, drifting through his memories. Little of pleasant things, I suspect. Do you have any idea where I should look?"

The safest memory for him, perhaps? Eyuran's consciousness touched mine.

"Does that even exist? From what I have experienced so far, I don't even know if he understands the word 'safe' well enough."

Maybe we should ask Alani? Eyuran said. Though her experience is only five hundred years together. Even if she could suggest something, maybe the General didn't share much of his life with her.

"Let's try that anyway. She is our best lead, since she is his daughter. Unless some of the Surani who know Beren longer can suggest anything. Otherwise, twenty thousand years to look through."

I'll ask Alani then. A moment.

"I'm waiting." The safest memory, huh. Sure, that wasn't his childhood. The memory of his spouse also was painful after the loss. The birth of Alani? Also a regretful one, since she suffered his fate. I remembered the last time I could enter the exact memory I needed because soma itself showed it to me. That time it worked because I was basically dead. A different state of body and mind. Though even then I had a hard time finding Eyuran and Mom. Took me a while. Dorgu's and Shaamta's past was easy to find, because I knew where to look. Now the situation was different. And I wanted to avoid the final merger of my and Beren's minds completely though it would make the search easier. I would remember all of his life, just like he will remember all of mine. That was too much. I had enough of Somg in my head. Though I couldn't avoid some of Beren's most vivid and unpleasant memories I had encountered already. I was sure some of mine had slipped into his mind as well. That was more than enough for now. Some limits should be kept even in Tabiru. But maybe this time it wasn't even his own memory but someone else's: we've merged our soma after all. Which would make it much harder to find Beren without knowing what constitutes 'safe' for him. Where to begin looking, what to ask soma to find...

As I drifted through the soma space, diving deeper and deeper, waiting for Eyuran, I kept wondering what could make Beren's and the other Surani's existences bearable. Hunger was one thing, but they were still unwanted by our Family Tree. Becoming dwellers, but in fact prisoners, of my ship wasn't the best option for them. I should persuade the Baali to leave them in peace once and for all. That was another diplomatic mission for me. A tough one, no doubt. Maybe even tougher than asking to borrow that big ship. But oh well. Another challenge I would gladly accept.