It Only Takes a Moment

Chapter 35: Breaking Point

Ch.34

P.O.V. Jimin

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Life was difficult, but that was nothing new. Life was difficult in general yet lately I've noticed someone in particular has been making my life harder. Why them? What did I do to deserve this? It was hard to figure out why certain emotions would rise up inside of me when I would see them, talk to them, or think about them. Think about them. Why did it take so little to make my chest tighten and for my face to heat up? I felt like I was losing control over myself and nothing made me feel worse. I needed control over myself or else I was going to go insane.

Was I going insane? If I was then it was all because of her.

I couldn't even begin to explain it. Even when I spoke to Anastasia late at night, I couldn't come up with a clear answer. It was essentially just me babbling incoherently while Anastasia watched me pace around the living room. Seong (F/n) was quickly becoming my enemy again. She made me feel inadequate without even trying. She told me that she liked me and that I was perfect (her words), but it wasn't enough. Normally my desperation to be perfect was attached to dance. Recently, I found myself wanting to impress her and for what?

Unacceptable. I refuse to entertain her as much as my heart jumps when I hear someone say her name. I don't care about how warm I feel when she smiles at me or how it's hard to breathe when we make eye contact. Even just thinking about it makes me swallow hard and now I'm getting annoyed again! Why am I so sweaty? I haven't even started dancing for the day. All I knew was that I needed to get my mind off her and everything else. I need to go back to the way I was before. Focusing on dance and absolutely nothing else.

That's why I've been putting my everything into the small productions. It impressed the coaches I was working with for how seriously I was taking them. Shouldn't everyone be taking it seriously? But I guess the way I was doing it was different than usual. Sometimes I would stay back a bit at the company to get some extra practice in. I was doing it daily this week and for longer hours. These small productions should be perfect too, right?

"Park Jimin, what are you still doing here?" Miss Novikov's voice threw me off. I had been going over the choreography on repeat. The only thing running through my mind was polishing every single detail in order to reach perfection. I could do it. "It's seven and you don't even have a performance tonight. What are you doing wasting energy so recklessly like this?"

"Miss Novikov..." I didn't know what to say to the older woman. She already had her mind up and she seemed to grow frustrated the longer I panted while staring at her.

"Well?"

"I need to work," I said, causing her to roll her eyes. She proceeded to say things in Russian that completely flew over my head. Judging from her tone, it didn't sound nice. She also wasn't smiling at me. Then again, she never smiled or sounded happy so she could be saying anything. "Miss Novikov, it's okay."

"Okay? You better be okay during company class tomorrow. It's good to get extra practice every now and then, but if you do it too often then you'll overwork yourself. What use will you be then?" Miss Novikov tsked at me. Her eyes went up and down on me, clear judgment in her eyes. I'll take this as her version of caring for me.

"I'll be in good condition for class and rehearsals, Miss Novikov." I bowed to her in hopes that she would leave me alone. She didn't seem to trust me at all. Her harsh gaze remained the same, but I wasn't intimidated by it.

"You're a brilliant dancer, Jimin. Don't cut your career short like this." Miss Novikov didn't have anything more to say. She walked away from me, her footsteps louder than the classical music I had playing in the background. My heavy breaths didn't reach my ears as I watched her open the door and leave. I was left all alone in the studio, beads of sweat gathering at my damp hairline. They rolled down my forehead as I faced myself in the mirror. My face was pink and I looked a little exhausted, but not dangerously so. Maybe a little paler, but it was alright. I felt fine.