The burn beneath your fingers

Prologue

Harry's POV:
Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat.

Screaming, begging, wishing it was me who died instead. As I lay there reliving the traumatic events that took place when I was a kid. Sometimes I wonder why they had to be taken so soon. Why they couldn't live their lives but I could. I let out a blood curdling scream in a fit of panic. I hate this feeling.

My chest starts to feel heavy. I try to breathe but it's useless, I find myself gasping for air as my second panic attack for the night hits. As often as I have panic attacks you would think that they would become more normal to me but they never do. The unfamiliar feel of nausea hits as I wake from this terrible nightmare.

I turn to the clock on my bedside table. The time is 4:30 am.
I can never sleep for more than a couple hours at a time without reliving the graphic memories of my mom and sister being burned alive and carried out in body bags.

I turn to my bedside table once more and open the bottom drawer. I pull out my stash of razor blades and set them down in front of me. As I pull up the sleeve of my oversized jumper I see deep gashes going up to my elbow. Some fresh, some old. It's the only way I can express my emotions anymore.

Im alone. I have no friends, no one to talk to, no one that cares about me, and I can't blame them. Who would ever want to love a suicidal gay freak with no family?

As I look down at my arms I realize I'm running out of space. I should probably start cutting my legs instead. I take out a fresh blade and stare at it intensely thinking about what my life has come to. Why would anyone want to love somebody with scars everywhere? I take one more look at the blade before I place it on a clean part of my arm and make a gash.Not too deep but deep enough to where it hurts. Deep enough that it can make me feel somewhat better about me living instead of them.

All I do is take up space in this world, I just have to accept my fate of being alone forever. No one would ever love me. I wince at the slight stinging coming from where the blade had just cut my skin. I put the blades away and went to the bathroom. Blood started to trickle down my arm so I ran it under cold water and bandaged it up, then I started to get ready for my long work day that was ahead of me.