Words From a Late Regret

I fear too -♡

-----

Despite my cruel and despicable former self,
I cannot erase from my memory the shadow of that terror,
when I finally understood what dwelled in my chest:
a storm of feelings that revealed themselves as truth.
The fear, deep and entrenched,
was not only toward myself,
but toward those around me,
my family, my friends, everyone...
What if, upon discovering me, they were filled with disappointment?

I trembled at the thought of their cold stares,
of their words that could freeze my soul,
of their rejection, as if life itself would crumble
for the simple fact of loving someone I, according to them, should not.

But more than anything, I feared the hatred,
not so much for my character,
but for that attraction
that for some would be a sin.
But within that fear,
a deeper truth lay hidden,
one that perhaps, someday,
may free me from my chains.

Out of fear and cowardice, I let myself be carried away; I allowed harm to reach the only person who managed to draw a genuine smile from my lips. I permitted myself to hurt and distance the one who never feared my bad temper or my piercing gaze.

I watched her, and regret consumed me. Her eyes, which once radiated sweetness and courage, had turned into a mirror of fear, rejection, and... hatred. That which I had always admired in her vanished, not by her fault, but by my own hand.

Even so, I showed it in every one of my actions, despite my denial and the pain it caused me. I, incapable of love, confess it now, for my former self could never do so.

-----