The World Keeps Changing

Chapter 4

I was relieved when my alarm woke me, face wet with tears, before I could watch them die again. It was all I could do to not add scotch to my first cup of coffee before I headed to the kitchen. I grabbed my tablet and earpiece and asked JARVIS for some background music so I didn't have to be alone with my thoughts. The band Cannons came through, I think it was 'Bright Lights', and it was exactly the right mix of quiet ambiance and bop that helped me push through the emotions and physical pain I was feeling like a fog around me. I bobbed my head gently. "That's perfect JARVIS, you're so good to me."

"You are most welcome, Cookie."

I was glad for the main kitchen being empty this morning. With no cafeteria service and one event on the roster today nobody would be in until after noon. I finished setup and made my way upstairs with Chuck to do the weekend stock and make pancakes.

I walked into the common area to find Bucky crashed on the couch, the TV asking if he was still watching. He wore the same dark sweats and t-shirt he'd been wearing last night with one arm thrown over his head, the other across his stomach, one long leg stretched down the length of the sofa and the other hanging off the front. I'd never seen such a peaceful expression on his face. He looked years younger somehow, his brow and jaw line without the tension I'd always seen them hold. Closer to Steve's apparent late 20s than my mid 30s. Nobody would believe me if I told them The Winter Soldier could look adorable. I wondered for a moment what it would be like to snuggle into him and that super soldier warmth. The notion would probably have anyone else drawing analogies to the impulse of wanting to pet a sleeping bear at the zoo. I shook my head. I must be getting touch starved. Maybe I could ask Thor...

I shook my head again with a quiet huff and followed Chuck to the kitchen. I started coffee and then took care of the dishes as quietly as I could manage while it brewed. Bucky must have woken at some point because I looked up from getting the griddle ready to find him suddenly in his usual place at the counter. I jumped and gasped. "If you don't stop that I'm gonna put a bell on you!"

He gave me a lop-sided smirk, looking far less apologetic than he had last night. I poured us both a cup of coffee, adding just cream to mine and only a little sugar to his. He took a sip and hummed with satisfaction. "How do you do that?"

I leaned on the counter across from him, resting on my elbows, deciding to pause and savor my second cup of the day. "I may not be a super operative or augmented human, but it is my job to notice little things about people."

My hands were wrapped around my mug, inches away from his. His knuckles closed the distance briefly, brushing over mine just a couple times then retreating back. Testing the waters. "I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable last night."

I shook my head. "Oh, no, Bucky, it's okay." I returned his small gesture with a small smile. I thought about taking his hand, but I felt tight inside, raw. I was hitting a wall, and I knew I couldn't hold it together today and do my job if someone touched me enough to relax. "You couldn't know my situation. I didn't mean to come off harsh. I'm just running on fumes right now. It's been a long few weeks."

"You're limping. More than last night." His brow drew with concern.

"Nothing to be worried about. It's an old injury that acts up when I spend a lot of time on my feet. Like I said, it's just been a heck of a rough patch downstairs. I'll be okay." I gave his hand a little pat and stood up straight, wincing a little as the weight redistributed through my hip and lower back. I put my mug in the sink and turned on the griddle. Then I reached into the fridge and pulled out an assortment of fruit.

I heard his chair behind me and a soft footfall before I heard his voice close behind me. He was telegraphing his presence for me, and it made me my lips curve in a soft smile. "Will you let me help today, Cookie?"