The referee

Maybe in a different world Le

10 minutes had passed neither of us had said a word, our hands were still intwined neither of us wanting to let go, we both looked into the night sky, the air felt thick between us almost like there were unspoken words, words I wanted to say but how could I, this moment felt right between us, it was scary how it did considering the quick change in both our behaviours. We went from enemies one second to sharing sweet moments like this

I could hear the party still going on in the background, which also meant everyone else was preoccupied, so no one was gonna interrupt this moment but I knew this moment had to end

"Me and Jess should go home" I broke the silence, I turned to Leah as she just stared at our hands on her lap

"I meant what I said before Cam, maybe one day you'll let that wall down" she said while tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear, the butterflies were going wild in my stomach at the smallest of touches

"Maybe in a different world Le" I knew I had to release her hand, I knew I had to put the distance back there, truth was every word she said was wheeling me in all the more...she made me just wanna say fuck it and close that distance but I couldn't

I could see her eyes light up a bit, a small smile tugged at her lips until the loss of contact made them drop again

"Get home safe yeah" she said as she followed me into getting up and making our way back into the house

                                          -x-

To say that last night was the worst and best night of my life was confusing, it was like there was an invisible pull towards Leah, she just wouldn't leave my mind, everything felt so easy and so right last night, it was like a glimpse of what could be but the sad part is what I know it'll never be. I had this dark cloud hanging over me.

I knew if I got involved with Leah that it would just put her in danger. She didn't deserve that, part of me thought if it would just be easier if she did hate me. But she liked me...she admitted she liked me and I'd be lying if I said that didn't make me happy
  
Part of me wanted to message her, I'd gone onto instagram and typed out a message so many times just to delete it again, my mind constantly battling with my heart, it was like a tug of war between the two...constantly cursing myself as I'd re delete a message I wrote, it was only when 'typing' popped up on Leah's side of the screen that I threw my phone to the other side of my bed...I threw my palm against my forehead mentally kicking myself that she would of seen me typing just to stop again

*Ping*

I flew across my bed to grab the phone

Leahwilliamson messaged you
'Either you're writing your shopping list in here or you wanted to message me as much as I wanted to message you'

Well fuck that's embarrassing...I could see that she was typing again

Leahwilliamson messaged you
'I hope it's the second one btw 🙈'

I could feel my cheeks heating up again as the butterfly's erupted in my stomach, god I like her
I quickly type a reply back

'Now that would be telling Williamson, thank you for the great party last night, I had a great time, I'm glad we can finally be friends'

I could see that she had read the message straight away, I just stared at the corner of the screen waiting for her reply but as the minutes ticked by it was clear no reply was coming, my stomach sunk as I closed my phone

                                        -x-

The rest of my morning started off slow which made my mind shift between him and Leah, I knew I needed to keep busy and distract myself. I thought maybe a trip to take my grandad some flowers would preoccupy my mind. It was the anniversary of his passing today, The day always brought back so many memories...many good ones but also one very bad memory. The memory that will stick with me for the rest of my life...

I sat looking at the resting place of where the one man that always protected me lay, the silence filled the air but also said so much, I could hear someone approach from behind

"I knew I'd find you here after you've not answered your phone"

"Sorry Jess, my mind hasn't been with it today" I said while looking over my shoulder at my sister

"It's always a tough day today" she said while sitting next to me

"Least we have each other hey" I said while leaning into her

"Always...it's all we will ever need" her arm wrapped around me and pulled me closer

I had been here for a few hours now Jess had left around an hour ago, the sun was starting to go down, I made my way to my car as I set off to go back home...

For some reason it felt like I didn't breathe the whole journey home, as I pulled up outside my flat something just felt off...I felt off, I just put it down the the stress of the situation, I felt like I had the whole world resting on my shoulders, I decided just to head inside and try and grab a relaxing bath and catch up on some much needed sleep, I exited the car and made my way inside, the walk from the car through the halls and up the stairs took less than 5 minutes...it seemed like every step I took just made the bad feeling in my stomach worse, I turned the corner to my door to see that it was open bringing me to a halt