ARES

Crawling In My Skin

Ares POV

Fuck. "FUCK!" I scream into the night but nothing returns. I feel the urge to fight something, someone, even though nobody is at fault but me. I lost control for the first time in a long time.

Lisa took me by surprise and suddenly it was like my whole body froze. I couldn't speak, couldn't move while wicked memories flashed before my eyes.

I park my car along in street and watch the area around me. Worn down houses, some with smashed windows, others with flimsy curtains. A few buildings cast a red shimmer on the concrete. I climb the creaky wooden stairs of one cabin and knock on the door.

Nothing.

I push it open and step inside. The air is stale, heavy with sweat and smoke and I try not to gag at the smell. I follow the hallway, watch the lights flickering and the dusty mirrors on the wall. I catch a glimpse of me in one of those old mirrors and for a moment, it's like I'm watching myself from the outside.

I see a boy, a young man at most, alone in some run down brothel. Disheveled black hair, pale blue eyes that hold a sadness too profound for a nineteen-year old and the never healing bruise on the cheekbone.

"How can I help you?" A woman appears in the hallway and I tear my eyes away from the mirror. The moment I see her, my heart skips a beat.

I haven't seen her in years but still, the few memories I have are painfully alive. The long blond hair that falls in waves, the green eyes that I always wished I had, the gentle look on her face. Despite the fact that she is older now, she looks the same. Apart from her clothes - which are barely clothes at all.

"Sir? What can I do for you?" She repeats because apparently I can't form any words. When she works here, in those clothes... Does that mean I failed her? Wasn't I able to save her?

"Are you mute?" the woman grows irritated and lights a cigarette.

"Mom?" I ask cautiously even though I'm sure it's her. I'd recognize her anywhere. My voice is thin, too faint for the life I've lived to keep me alive, to keep her safe. But right now, facing the woman I've searched for years, facing the woman who gave birth to me, I don't have the strength to remain so cold. She's my mom, she's the family I always wanted, she's the love I never received.

"I finally found you," I continue. A feeling I don't recognize spreads in my chest but I'd go as far as to say it's relief. Relief that I found her, that I did everything I could, that she's safe now.

"What's your name?" She asks and I hesitate for a moment. Why doesn't she-? My father must've never told her.

"Ares. He called me Ares."

My mom nods and takes a drag from her cigarette. "Fitting, given he always wanted you to fight in those cages."

"Wait - you knew?" Suddenly, the cold returns, takes over my entire being and renders me speechless.

"Of course I did. Just because I was never there doesn't mean I didn't know what was going on." She shrugs like she was discussing the weather. "Heard you're good, too. Only one lost fight. At least it was worth something."

"What was worth something?" My voice found its usual strength again because a bitter feeling settles in my heart.

"Keeping you. Thomas convinced me to keep you. Said you were going to be of use. Turns out you are."

"But - but he said I had to fight in order to protect you. That with the money I won I could keep you safe from...this." I gesture around and my eyes search for hers. There is not an ounce of warmth or love in those green irises.