A Life Rewritten

Josh - Found Wanting

**Six years ago**

Josh watched as Danielle passed the finish line in a mad dash. He stood to cheer for her, so proud that she'd made first place. It felt as if a part of himself had won that race.

Danielle had taken up track in the past year since they'd started dating. His girlfriend was a very active person, and he'd seen her do so many different physical activities for a whole year. This, however, was her final race of the semester, and then she'd be free every night. He'd missed hanging out with her as frequently as they had before, and so he was looking forward to catching up on their lost time together.

The jealousy, however, continued to show itself. It raged, on occasion, fighting against what felt as if it was his own skin, rearing its head in anger. He was scared of it, and had been unable to confront the anomaly within himself.

Finally, however, Josh had discovered why he felt the way he currently did. He felt jealous, not because someone else had Danielle, he was dating her, after all. No, he was not jealous of anyone for being with Danielle. He had discovered he was jealous that he was not Danielle.

So desperately, Josh had clung to the idea that he was helplessly in love, and he was- he just had to confront the fact that he had wanted to be the girlfriend, rather than be the boyfriend with the girlfriend. Josh was a girl.

He didn't know what to say about it- not sure if he even SHOULD say something about it.Or, rather, as Josh had been saying for the past week, SHE wasn't sure about it. It wasn't as if she couldn't stand being a boy-she'd been one for fourteen years now. But hell, she wasn't going to tell herself she didn't want an escape from that reality.

The only thing she could do now was wish. Wish for a way to become the girl she knew she really was. If she could become somebody other than Josh, then she might just be able to come to terms with her life- for the first time since she had asked out Danielle.

Josh was a girl, and she would find a way to make her dreams a reality. One way or another. She only worried about Danielle, and what her boyfriend's true identity would do to her.

Could she go through with a transition, if it would hurt the girl she cared about more than anything else in the world? Josh didn't know if she had it in her to do that, even if it was her only real shot at being true to herself. Oh, how she wished she could simply disappear from the lives of her loved ones, without causing them to hate her.

If only- she thought- if only she could disappear.