Shattered Bonds-Okuyasu & Josuke

Josuke's Diary-Part 7

August 15th

It's been a few days since the whole letter fiasco. Okuyasu was so broken over it, and I did my best to comfort him, but something inside me shifted that day. I didn't say anything at the time, but I felt a flicker of anger I couldn't shake. He went through my mail, for God's sake. I get that he's scared and hurting, but this isn't healthy—for either of us.

I love him. I really do. But I'm starting to wonder if love is enough. I'm tired, and I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

August 20th

Oku's been quieter lately, which, ironically, only makes things worse. He's always in his head, and I can see the weight of his thoughts pulling him down. Every time I try to talk to him, it feels like I'm reaching out into a void. He's there, physically, but mentally and emotionally, he's slipping away from me.

I've tried to be there for him, to help him through this, but it's like every step forward we take, we fall two steps back. It's exhausting. I can't focus on anything else—school, friends, even my family. Everything is consumed by trying to keep him from drowning in his own mind.

August 25th

We barely talk anymore. When we do, it's strained, like we're both just going through the motions. I miss him. I miss the Okuyasu I used to know, the one who would laugh with me, who made me feel like we could take on the world together.

But now... now it's just silence. Or worse, arguments that lead nowhere. I can feel myself pulling away, and I hate it. I hate that I'm starting to resent him for something he can't control. But I'm only human. How long can I keep sacrificing my own sanity for his? It isn't fair.

August 30th

I've reached my breaking point. I never wanted to admit it, but I can't do this anymore. I can't keep pouring everything I have into someone who's so consumed by his own demons that he can't see what it's doing to us—what it's doing to me.

Tonight, we had another fight. It started over something small—me coming home later than usual because I needed some time alone. Okuyasu took it as a sign that I didn't want to be around him, and things escalated from there. I tried to explain that I just needed some space, that it wasn't about him, but he couldn't see it. He kept accusing me of not caring, of not loving him anymore.

And the thing is... he's right. I still love him, but not in the way I used to. It's more out of obligation now, like I'm holding on because I feel like I have to, not because I want to. That realization hit me like a truck.

I told him we needed to take a break, that I can't keep doing this. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to say, but it's the truth. I need to focus on myself, on my own mental health, before I begin to lose myself also.

He was devastated. I could see the hurt in his eyes, and it tore me apart. But I couldn't take it back. I can't pretend everything's okay when it's not.

I offered to let him stay until things with his dad are sorted out. It's not like he has anywhere else to go. But this... whatever we had, it's over. I can't keep sacrificing myself for someone who can't—or won't—help themselves.

September 5th

It's been a few days since we broke up, and things are... awkward, to say the least. Okuyasu is still here, but it's like we're living in two separate worlds. We barely speak unless we have to, and when we do, it's strained and uncomfortable. He even accidentally called me 'babe' one morning; which was then followed by a deafening, awkward silence. The tension in the house is unbearable. My parents have noticed, but they haven't said anything. I think they're trying to give us space, but it's not helping.

Okuyasu is trying to be more considerate, I can tell, but it's almost too little too late. I feel bad, but I'm relieved that I don't have to carry the weight of his problems anymore. I've started focusing on school again, reconnecting with friends I've drifted away from and enjoying my hobbies more freely. It feels good, like I'm reclaiming a part of myself that I lost.

But at the same time, there's this guilt that won't go away. I see Oku in the morning Okuyasu in the morning, sitting alone at the kitchen table, and I can see how lost he is. I wonder if I made the right choice. But then I remind myself that I didn't have a choice. I couldn't keep drowning with him.

September 10th

Mr. Mansaku called today. They're supposed to have a meeting with a social worker soon to figure out the next steps. I think that's a good thing, but I don't know how Okuyasu feels about it. He's been even more withdrawn since the breakup, if that's even possible.

I don't know what's going to happen next. Part of me hopes that once he moves out, we can both start to heal. Maybe we can be friends again one day, but right now, I just need to focus on getting through each day without breaking down.

I thought love was supposed to conquer all, but I'm realizing that sometimes, it's just not enough. And that's okay. It must be okay