Fucked up world

1) No Memory?

I blinked, my white surroundings hurting my eyes.

"Honey! Your awake!" A woman cried. I looked to my left to see a rather short, but skinny and stern looking woman with black, beach waved hair. I blinked again, looking at the hospital room in confusion. Who were these people? Why was I here?

I looked down at my arms, my brows furrowing as I saw that they were both bandaged to my elbows, but above my elbows were white and red lines, scars and cuts and even burns. How did they get there?

"Skylar?" A man asked, I looked up at a very lanky man with a clean shaven face and perfectly gelled hair. I swallowed uneasily, fidgeting slightly.

"Wh-who are you? Where am I? What happened? Wh-who am I?" I demanded, getting quieter at the and flinching at my American accent as the couple sounded British. The couple looked at each other sadly, shaking their head as the woman held tears in her eyes.

"Darling, don't you remember anything?" The woman asked. I shook my head slowly. She sighed.

"We're your parents, we adopted you when you were five from America and we brought you here to Sheffield in England." She told me gently, putting her hand in mine, but I pulled away.

"That doesn't explain what happened or who I am." I whispered.

"Your name is Skylar Carlile, your fifteen, and your here because- because you tried to kill yourself, again." She replied softly.

"What? How? Why?" I asked, my brows furrowing.

"You cut really deep and lost so much blood, the doctor says your lucky to be alive, when you first came here you had a fifty fifty chance of surviving the first night, they said it looked highly unlikely, you were worse than you ever went before." She said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Why did I try to kill myself? How long have I been here?" I demanded.

"Calm down sweetheart, we don't know why, we were waiting for you to wake up before we asked. And you were rushed in last night." The man said.

"Miss Carlile, nice to see you awake." The Doctor smiled at me.

"What happened." I asked him.

"Straight to the point I see, well, we were hoping to ask you. Sir, Madam, if you wouldn't mind stepping outside for a moment please." He said. Reluctantly, they obeyed, walking out slowly as they kept glancing back at me as though I'd break or explode.

"This was an obvious suicide, but do you not remember what happened?" The doctor asked, I shook my head. He sighed.

"I wanted to wait until that couple had left, the paramedics gave me this, there photos you were said to have had on you when you made your attempt." The doctor told me, handing me a couple photos. I stared at them, nothing jogging my memory.

"Once we can see that you are well enough, we have to move you to a psych ward." He told me gently. I looked up at him with narrowed eyes.

"Why? It was only once." I replied. The doctor shook his head.

"This is actually your 4th, the only time you were nearly successful." He told me.

"Is my life that bad I tried four times?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know, that's up to you to remember, wether you want to or not, and your first attempt was over two years ago." He said, and walked out. Am I really that bad?

"Four attempts..." I whispered to myself. I closed my eyes and concentrated, trying to remember something, but all that came to me was nothing, it's all a black, blank space.

I placed the photos under my pillow, I would look at them properly after my parents have gone.

"Ok, so, we talked to the doctor, your not going to the psych ward. We told him that without your memory that that would be a bad idea, you need to be at home, with your parents." She told me. I nodded.

"Do you want your iPod sweety?" She asked me. I nodded and she pulled it out of her pocket. I took it from her and placed the ear bud in my ear, looking through all the music. The only thing that seemed familiar to me.

"We're going to let you rest. The doctor says you may be discharged tomorrow, so we'll bring you your stuff, ok?" She told me gently. I nodded, not looking at her. She sighed as her and the man walked out.

I began to cry, I didn't want to be here. I felt like I shouldn't be here. I felt like I should be somewhere else.

They didn't come back so I pulled out the photos. The one on the front was a girl, about fifteen/sixteen on a hospital bed, next to a boy, and she was holding two babies, the other boy holding another and they were both smiling at the camera.

The same girl was in all the photos, with loads of different people, and I began to wonder, was that same girl me?

I pulled the IV's out of my arm and walked over to the connecting bathroom, looking in the mirror, seeing that I was. Those babies must be mine. I must have died my hair a few months before them kids were born because my hair was red in some, then blue, then multicoloured, now it's black and blue.

The doctor walked in with a scowl on his face.

"Your supposed to be in bed resting." He told me. I nodded and he helped me to the bed as I began to feel sick and light headed.

"Just rest, if your better, you can be discharged tomorrow." He told me, tucking me in. I nodded, turning on my side so my back was facing the doctor.

He sighed and turned off the light, shutting the door behind him gently.

I closed my eyes and blackness washed over me.