THE NURSERY NURSE - (TNN - RANDOM)

FORGET ME NOT - SIOBHAN/VIV

Summary - Viv/Siobhan after Viv finds out about the engagement.

Viv had never been much of a crier. She was an emotionally intuitive, intelligent woman and usually, she held a tight grasp on her emotions. As she sat behind the wheel of her car having just left the nursery, she surprised even herself when she burst into tears. Siobhan's beautiful eyes flashed through her mind as she struggled to breathe, so she placed her hand over her heart.

Viv had never felt so confused. Had she created a connection within her own head? Siobhan had never corrected her when she'd made assumptions about Roger but maybe she'd been wrong all along. During their meetings, Siobhan had looked into her eyes and wordlessly told her that she needed her help. The way the blonds face would light up as soon as she saw Viv, had told the nurse that Siobhan needed her. Viv had always believed that eyes didn't lie but perhaps she was learning that actually, they did.

Somewhere deep down, Viv knew that Siobhan had developed feelings for her. Seeing the engagement ring had snapped Viv from her stupor as she'd violently realised that they couldn't keep doing this. One of them had to take control to prevent the situation from escalating. What did Siobhan expect? They'd continue to meet and then what? Both women were smart and switched on, there was only one way their relationship was going. Viv had a son and a job and a life, she couldn't put herself in the firing line of a heartless millionaire without endangering Jamie.

Viv drove in silence as she made her way home, trying desperately to clear her mind. All she could think of was Siobhan and the ache in her chest. She'd only known her for a few weeks, how could losing her hurt this much, she'd never even held her? When Siobhan had called after her, it had taken everything within Viv not to turn back, she almost had. In the end, she couldn't bear the idea of looking into Siobhan sad, lifeless eyes, pleading with her to come back. Viv knew Siobhan wasn't happy, her assumptions were correct and from the moment she'd met her, she'd seen through Siobhan's facade.

Viv wondered momentarily if she was a coward. Really, she knew exactly why she'd walked away. She couldn't bear the thought of watching Siobhan die, drowning in the waves of the life she thought she'd wanted. She'd hold her hand out, time and time again but Siobhan would refuse to take it. Then one day, she'd stop swimming, sinking down to the bottom of her own cold, empty life. One day, that tiny little light that still shone, the person that Siobhan could have been - one day that would be extinguished forever. Viv couldn't keep setting herself on fire to keep Siobhan warm, she was burning herself and breaking her own heart.

That night, as Siobhan sat in the bath, she wondered how her life had changed so much without her even realising. It hadn't been that long ago she'd been single and free, able to live as she wanted and do as she pleased. Now, she had no freedom, no autonomy and no will to continue. For a moment, she'd had a friend but she'd managed to destroy that too. Her life was filled with fear and anxiety, there was no love and no laughter. She understood why Viv had walked away from her and truthfully, she didn't blame her. No matter what, she'd never forget their fleeting friendship. Nobody had ever made her feel the way that Viv had and if she had the choice, she'd do it all over again, even if the outcome was the same.

This was the life she'd chosen and now she had to pay the price. It wasn't fair for her to drag others down with her, she had to let them fly. Viv deserved someone as kind and loving as she was, not someone bitter and damaged like Siobhan. So, she'd keep her memories of Viv and the way she'd loved her locked away, safe and sound where nobody could take them from her. She'd leave her behind and let her be free, thinking of her everyday and hoping she was happy.

Siobhan had never really cared for fairytales. Even as a child, she'd found the idea that everyone got their happy ending unrealistic.

It had never occurred to her that her own happy ending simply didn't exist.