✓ APRICATE ; p.sunghoon

✤ | 16 - one step forward, three steps back

SUNGHOON'S POV

what are the chances that while you're out shopping with your fiancée, your ex-girlfriend tries to guilt-trip you by creating a fake ass melodrama? if she had done this a few months ago, i might have gotten a bit emotional reminiscing our wholesome memories of the two years that we had spent together, maybe felt my heart being torn apart. but now? it made me laugh.

as she rambled on about how she 'loved' me and that me and her were still supposed to be with each other, i realized that it would be so much better to just shut out her nonsense and walk away.

aera was probably still waiting, and there was no reason for me to spend my time watching a mad woman spouting nonsense when i could just make my fiancée's cheeks flush every minute.

despite my brotherly feelings for aera that i've harbored since childhood, i couldn't help but feel a genuine affection towards her. she was always like a small ball of sunshine and her cheeks would flush beet red whenever someone would compliment her, no matter how small. she had a way of spreading happiness that i had never felt.

however, as soon as i turned my body from nari to walk away, my eyes caught the figure of aera, standing a few meters away from us, her teary eyes filled with hurt.

as i was about to reach out to her, she took some steps back from me, her legs wobbling as she did so.

she wiped her cheeks to get rid of the prominent tear stains, the action not helping one bit, as a few new tears found their home on her cheeks.

she started to run; but just as she was about to get out of the mall, i caught onto her wrist, my hand firmly holding hers inside the underground parking lot.

i turned her towards me as i held her gently, my hands finding their place on her arm.

"sunghoon, leave me! go to your girlfriend or whatever!" aera said loudly, hurt evident in her tone.

"aera, no. just listen to me first, okay?" i said, trying to get her to calm down.

"what will you tell me sunghoon?! about how you used me to move on from your ex-girlfriend who you are so desperately in love with?" aera spoke, her voice quivering as she tried to break free from my hold.

"aera, you heard her words, not mine! just listen to me once!" i tried to reason.

"i... i don't think there's any need for me to hear more, sunghoon." aera replied, now looking directly at me.

"aera-" she suddenly cut me off.

"tell me, sunghoon. is she lying? are all these words, that she just said, absolute nonsense and so far from the truth?" she questioned.

i remained silent as she scoffed, "see? those are your words too. they are everybody's words, sunghoon. and that's because they are the truth!"

aera continued, her eyes boring into mine, "whether you love her or not is not the problem, sunghoon. it is the fact that you didn't tell me about it." she took a deep breath. "and you could have just told me that you were using me instead of making me believe that i could have a chance at love too."

"aera," i warned. "you've known me for years. do you think i would do that to you?"

aera's words were now hitting a spot at my heart. memories of my childhood when my own parents thought of me as a monster, incapable of loving and protecting someone or something, coming back.

"that's the thing, sunghoon. the person that i've known since i was a child wouldn't have done this with me." aera said, a helpless tone etched onto her voice.

"aera, can you just... just stop accusing me? let's just talk this out, okay?" i spoke, my voice getting quieter by the second.

"i would have. but how do i know you're not lying?" aera questioned, her low voice reaching my ears.

"why would i ever lie to you, aera?! you're my fiancée!" i spoke, getting annoyed by the second.

"do you think that, sunghoon? do you, really? or am i just your best friend's little sister?" she asked.

"goddamn it, aera! i said, just fucking listen to me!" i yelled, my anger issues clouding my mind.

aera flinched at my loud voice, the sudden shift of my understanding behavior to acting like a madman probably scaring her. she knew about my severe anger issues and nobody, absolutely nobody, stayed with me through its sessions once they got a glimpse of that.

as i was getting ready to be left alone and watch her get away from me, she spoke again, her voice just as steady as it was before.

"sunghoon, you lied to me. you kept me away from the truth. a very big one, in fact. even after all this, would i be able to believe your words?" she said, this time a bit softly, slowly taking my hands in hers.

she didn't leave. she didn't leave. she stayed. is this real? was someone truly willing to stay with me through my worst?

with that gentle look on her face, i could tell that she was urging me to open up to her, to tell her what nari had lied about and the things that she had left unsaid in between.

but as someone who had never got a chance to share their sorrow or to feel their heart, it wasn't possible for me to open up about my feelings to her or anyone, in fact, this easily.

as i looked down at her, helplessness evident in my eyes, she somehow understood my struggle.

she smiled softly as she held my hands tighter, "it's okay if you're not ready or if you need some time. i'll be here, and when you feel like you're ready, i'll listen to whatever you would want to tell me."

after that, i dropped her off to her house, my mind still hazy from today's incidents.

× author's note: this chapter provides another glimpse into sunghoon's childhood trauma :) also, apricate basically shows the journey of two individuals who learn to love one another with their mental trauma and how they help each other to overcome it, so there's going to be many povs of both characters !!

with lots of love, reen <3