Muted

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

Yuzuru's impending Marriage Assignment weighed heavily on you both, as did the fact that neither of you had come up with a way to stop it. Regardless, you couldn't force yourselves to stay apart. So, for the next coming days, you met in secret, like you had so many nights before.

Your days blurred together, the hours passing as you rushed through work, desperate to return to him. At night, his apartment became your sanctuary, the only place where time seemed to slow.  It was there you had held him close, refusing to leave until the first rays of morning sun had cast a glow over his bare skin.  In those quiet moments, it was easy to believe that he was still yours.

Yet, deep down, you both knew the truth—you were living on borrowed time.

And within a week, that time ran out.

On the morning he was to report to the nearest government building to confirm his marriage, his spare key dug against your leg with every step, a cruel reminder that by the time you returned home that evening, your sanctuary would no longer be yours.

He would no longer be yours.

For the first time since Yuzuru had awoken the feelings within you, you had no difficulty pretending to be an emotionless, hollow being the Regime demanded. It was as if reality had become a foggy dream, and you were nothing more than a ghost drifting through it, numb and devoid of purpose.

But still, your body refused to cooperate.

That afternoon, as you tended to Miss Tanaka's now infected wound, the pungent odor hit you like a freight train. The nausea came fast, sharp. You barely made it to the trash can in time, before you were vomiting the little water you'd managed to keep down.

From her bed, Miss Tanaka chuckled softly, her voice a strange blend of amusement and sympathy. She'd been kinder lately, a stark change from the fiery, combative woman who'd first come under your care.

"Pregnant, Dr. Lawson?" she teased, her tone light. It was obvious she didn't expect an answer, that she was only joking.  But there was something about her words that echoed in your subconscious.

Pregnant? The thought was absurd. Ridiculous. You could have laughed. And if you weren't pretending to be an emotionless physician in a rehabilitation clinic, while retching into a trash can, you probably would have.

Slowly, you straightened up, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, ready to discard the comment like the joke it was.

But it lingered.

Pregnant. 

The word hung in the air, taunting you, refusing to let go. It seemed to echo louder with every second. And that's when it happened--you let the possibility creep in. It wasn't even a thought at first, more like a creeping realization spreading through your veins like wildfire.

Could this be morning sickness?

Your mind raced, flashes of the past few weeks hitting you all at once. The stolen, intimate nights with Yuzuru, when the outside world had ceased to exist. The exhaustion that had weighed you down more and more each day. The lingering nausea you had dismissed as nothing more than stress.

You'd been so consumed by the inevitability of the Regime taking Yuzuru from you, that you hadn't stopped to think about what else might be happening-- what might be happening inside of you.

But now, standing there, your heart pounded in your chest, refusing to let the thought go.

It couldn't be. Could it?

Another wave of nausea hit you, and you were back over the trash can, dry heaving, not just from sickness but from the possibility settling over you.

"Holy shit," Miss Tanaka laughed, visible shock etched on her face. "I was just kidding, Dr. Lawson. But by the look on your face, I'd say I hit the nail on the head."

You opened your mouth to respond, to laugh it off, to tell her she was wrong, but no words came out.  Instead, the room spun as the reality you'd been avoiding began to sink in. 

This wasn't just a passing thought, not just some far-fetched idea.

This was real.

You might be carrying a child. Yuzuru's child. A child conceived in secret, with a man who would be married to someone else by the end of the day. It was a truth so dangerous, so impossible, that it would destroy both of you if it ever came to light.

Before you could fully process this revelation, a knock echoed throughout the room.  A few moments later,  a voice broke through your despair.

"Dr. Lawson, Dr. Eteri needs you for a new admission that just arrived," a nurse called from the hallway, her voice muffled.

You swallowed hard, trying to steady yourself, to push aside the overwhelming tide of panic rising inside you. But the world felt distant, like you were moving through water. Your hands shook as you forced yourself to stand. Somehow, you managed to collect yourself enough to leave the room.

By the time you reached where Dr. Eteri needed you, the nurses' gossip barely registered. Their words were distant, like echoes in a tunnel, snippets about the new admission floating in and out of your awareness--whispers of rebellion, danger.

"They say he was involved with the Rebels," one nurse murmured. "Maybe one of the most dangerous of the Offenders."

"We even let him around our children. Who knows what he was teaching them," another added.

You were glad when the nurses scurried away, taking their gossip with them.  Now, of all times, you weren't in the mood to listen to them gossip about the new unfortunate soul that was unjustly captured and sent to this hell-hole. You just wanted to get today over with and go somewhere quiet, somewhere you could think about what may or may not be growing inside of you.

You reached for the patient chart hanging from the door, but the words blurred together, meaningless.  You were completely unable to focus. 

You didn't even notice Dr. Eteri's presence until the sharp clearing of his throat snapped you out of your daze. Startled, your eyes shot to his. His expression was unreadable, but his piercing stare cut through the fog clouding your mind.

Then, his words anchored you violently to the moment. "I think you may already know Mr. Hanyu," he said.