Trees don't move. || A proxy story

C H A P T E R 9

( Tim's POV )

I just sat by my window, looking at the rainy view and smoking a cigarette. I sighed while exhaling some smoke, I just thought of my past life before I got stuck… here. I lost everything, I had one person really and I couldn't keep him safe. Everyone is dead and gone. Jay, Alex. They're gone. It's my fault they're gone. Before I knew it, the tears started slipping from my eyes. A grown man crying, how pathetic.

I just cried, missing Jay the most. The only person I could trust the most for the first time in a long time. I didn't realize how loud I was till I heard soft knocking on my door. I took a deep breath and said come in. I heard the door click open and saw (Y/N), she looked worried. “Tim, are you alright?” She asked. “Uhh, yeah yeah I'm alright.” I said, letting out an anxious chuckle. “Are you sure?” She asked, wanting to make sure I really was ok. “Why am I lying to her? She just wants to make sure I'm ok..” I thought to myself, taking a deep breath and looking at her. “Honestly, no, I'm not. I don't think you'd want to know about my troubles though.” I said, running my hand through my hair.

“I'm all ears Tim.” She said, offering a soft smile. “You're the only person here that I somewhat trust and even though we aren't really close, if you troubled and upset I’d be more then happy to listen.” She said, leaning forward and placing a hand on my shoulder. I rested my hand on her's and took one more drag off my cigarette, flicking it out the window. “Thanks (Y/N). Well, it was a while ago and I accidentally roped some old college friends into my own issues with… it, and they're dead because of me. And I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for any of it.” I said, ending off the last word with a shaky breath, not wanting to cry again. “I had a friend, his name was Jay. We were pretty damn close and dealing with this whole situation together but.. I wasn't able to keep him safe like I planned and well, he's dead because of my failure to keep him safe from doing anything stupid on his own..” I said, not wanting to go into anymore detail as my eyes began to water.

“Oh Tim..” she said, a sad look in her eye. “I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of that..” she said, frowning. “Well.. I mean this isn't the first terrible thing I've had to deal with because of it..” I said, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I've spent most of my life in hospitals, dealing with hallucinations, not being me..” I said, beginning to tear up and my leg started shaking/bouncing up and down, just starting to panic. “Hey, I'm here.” (Y/N) said, placing her hand on my knee.

She just told me to take deep breaths and that we could talk about it another time but I just started crying and holding on to her shoulders. I took deep breaths while the tears streamed down my face and I gripped her shoulders tightly. “I.. I..” I struggled to get my words out as I started to hyperventilate. “Tim, breathe. Just focus on my voice and breathe, can you try to do that?” She asked, moving to place her hand on my shoulder instead of my knee.

I just nodded and tried to take deep breaths. “Good good.” She said, rubbing my shoulder in an act of trying to calm me down. About 20-25 minutes passed and I began to calm down. “I am so sorry about that, (Y/N)..” I said, wiping my face. “It's alright, I completely understand as I've been through panic attacks before.” She said, having an understanding look on her face. “How about we just leave it at that for now and revisit this topic another time, ok? Talking about two different traumatic events was probably very overwhelming for your mind to handle.” She said, resting her hands in her lap.

I nodded and took my hands off of her shoulders. “Again, I apologize. This doesn't usually happen..” I said sheepishly. “Seriously Tim, it's alright. How about we switch topics?” She spoke. I just nodded, still in the process of calming my nerves. “Well, I've gotten somewhat told my purpose of being taken here and next week you're supposed to be helping me train with fighting skills.” She said, trying to change topics.