hate you (vkook)

prologue

From the moment Taehyung and Jeongguk became best friends in primary school, they were inseparable. They did everything together, from sharing toys and playing together as kids to attending high school parties and drinking alcohol for the first time. They shared the same friends, went on double dates, and even had their first kiss at the same time during their high school prom. Looking back on Jeongguk's life, Taehyung was a huge part of it, and Jeongguk couldn't been more grateful. He absolutely adored spending time with his older friend, and even though they lived next to each other, saw eachother so often that even their parents became friends, Jeongguk never got tired of him.

If you had asked Jeongguk three years ago about his friendship with Kim Taehyung, he would have  confidently said they were inseperable and that they would never ever grow apart.

But in the later of high school they began seeing each other less often than when they were kids. Mainly because the fact that Taehyung, who was a year older than Jeongguk, had to focus on his studies as his grades started slipping. But despite the busy schedules, they still found time to hang out, especially since they lived next to each other. Whenever Taehyung had time, he would spend it with Jeongguk.

However, everything changed when Taehyung moved away for college last year.

The first few weeks after Taehyung moved into his dorm were tough for Jeongguk. He felt incredibly lonely and empty, spending most of his days holed up in his room, not wanting to see anyone. The only person he wanted to talk to was Taehyung, who thankfully still called and texted him every day. Hearing Taehyung's voice, especially on bad days, always managed to cheer Jeongguk up.

As time passed, Jeongguk got more used to the feeling of Taehyung not being around all the time. It was his final year of high school, and he knew he had to focus on graduating. Taehyung still visited  in the weekends and everything would be the same. Jeongguk found himself cherishing these moments even more, realizing how special they were. So he spend his weeks focusing on school and looking forward to the weekends.

Slowly, he got busier. He made new friends and got more caught up in sports. Taehyung, too, became wrapped up in his college life and didn't come home as often. Whenever they had time, they would talk on the phone for hours, catching up on each other's weeks.

Talking to Taehyung felt like coming home after a long stressful day. Whenever he was feeling down, seeing Taehyung's name on his phone screen instantly made his mood brighten up. His best friend was his favorite person, and the younger couldn't wait to join him in college next year. He was eager to leave high school behind, move into dorms, and see Taehyung every day again—something they had both looked forward to since they were young.

During the Christmas holiday, Taehyung came home for a whole week. Jeongguk had been counting down the days, excited to spend time with his best friend again. They spent the holidays as they usually did—watching movies, baking, shopping for Christmas gifts, and enjoying warm drinks at cafes.

On the second day of Christmas, Jeongguk's family joined the Kims for dinner.  It was a tradition they had upheld for years. Jeongguk dressed casually in black pants and a Santa-themed hoodie, his dark bangs falling over his forehead. His older sister, Minji, teased him for looking goofy, but it didn't bother him—the Kims were practically family to them anyways.

When they arrived, some of Taehyung's cousins were also there. Jeongguk joined them in playing games, while Minji hung out with Taejin, the oldest Kim brother. The evening was fun, filled with laughter and good meals. Jeongguk loved spending Christmas with the Kim family.

But the night took a turn when Taehyung's father spoke up during dinner.

"Taehyung, why isn't your girlfriend here tonight?" He had asked.

Both Taehyung and Jeongguk nearly choked in their food. Jeongguk immediately shot a glance at his friend, who seemed just as startled. It didn't take long for Jeongguk's parents to fire him with questions.

"Oh Taehyung-ah you have a college girlfriend? Whats her name? Jeongguk didn't even tell us!"

The rest of the dinner was awkward, to say the least. Jeongguk kept his eyes on his plate, trying to ignore the lump in his throat as Taehyung answered his family's questions. He learned that her name was Jennie, she was in Taehyung's law class, and they had been dating for a few weeks. Weeks!

Jeongguk couldn't believe that Taehyung had spent the last few days with him without mentioning his new girlfriend once. In all their years of friendship, this was the first time Taehyung had kept a secret from him. Taehyung had barely mentioned talking to girls in college, let alone dating one.

What happened to them sharing every little detail about their lifes? Did Jeongguk even know him anymore?

From that moment on, the doubts started. But despite those doubts, Jeongguk decided to do what he's best at: hiding his emotions and dealing with them alone. So when his friend approached him after dinner, apologizing for not mentioning his girlfriend sooner, the younger smiled and told him it was okay, and that he was happy for him. After all, who was he to say otherwise?

And he really tried to be happy. He tried it everytime they talked about it. But for some reason, he started feeling different around Taehyung. Even though his best friend still gave him all his attention when they were together, something felt off. Everytime Taehyung received a message from Jennie or talked about her, Jeongguk felt a light pang in his chest. He wasn't sure why he felt this way, but he assumed it was the fear of them growing apart. Taehyung truly started to have another life, while Jeongguk was still the same loser in high school.

As the months went by, Taehyung came home less, and Jeongguk became more preoccupied with exams and his other activities. Feeling guilty, Jeongguk started skipping some of Taehyung's calls. And as expected, it didn't take long for Taehyung to start calling less often.

It was how the typical growing apart goes.

Which was sad, really. Out of all the friendships in Jeongguk's life, he would've never guessed this would happen to him and Kim Taehyung- his childhood best friend. His favorite person.

Whenever they hung out neither of them talked about the growing distance between them. They pretended to be fine. They still had fun together, but because of the slight ache in Jeongguk's chest, he couldn't always act completely fine. He couldn't bring himself to ask about Taehyung's girlfriend, and he couldn't act the same way he did in high school. Sometimes, when Jeongguk replied wryly or moved away from Taehyung's touch, he could see the hurt flash in the elder's eyes. But neither of them ever brought it up. When communication used to be their best key, it started to turn into one of Jeongguk's biggest fears.

Jeongguk spend those days hating himself. He knew everything was his fault. Why did he feel like this? Why was he ruining his friendship with Taehyung? Why couldn't he just be a normal friend?

It stayed like this for a long time. But Jeongguk convinced himself he would get over it. They would be fine. They always would. They were Jeongguk and Taehyung. When he goes to college everything would go back to normal. That's what he kept telling himself when he laid in his bed, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Everything was going to be okay.