I've felt everything and nothing at the same time, I feel like dying, but yet I still find a reason to live.
It's confusing yet not at the same time. That's why I'm cutting myself open, but not too deep to bleed out by it.
They say "I care for you" yet they never reach out to me, they said that they don't know what happened to me, why did I become so distant, but they lie, THEY FUCKING LIE.
I just stopped looking for them as I used to, I stopped being a lost puppie for once, and they completely forgot about my existence.
I get so tired, so tired to fucking stand up and do almost the same thing every single day, yet when I'm alone I can't help but feel sad, helpless for myself, yet I can't cry a single tear...
Have I become broken?
Is there any way to fix me?
Will I die alone?
Will someone actually remember me?
Or will I just become a problem less?
I overthink every little detail about my day and life, yet I don't think I can find an answer for those questions that are always there...
I want to die, but not yet. Isn't that weird?
Every time I see them on the hallway I just want to rip my eyes out or fucking bury myself three feet under the ground, I get so uncomfortable when they wave at me, when they stare at me with pity, because they know what they did to me, they fucked me up even more and they know it.
I swear to God that I take my meds, but the problem is that I don't take chemical medicine, I take the natural shit. My psychologist does not know a lot of things. She doesn't know about my want to die, she doesn't know that I haven't been okay in months... yet I still force myself to smile to not worry.
I hate asking for help, I've always known that.
I don't want their pity, I want to be okay on my own...
When I do shed a tear, it is just one, I just stopped crying, apparently.
