The Secret of Us

~An Aching Communication~

Date: 18th August, 2021
Place: A 10'/13' Hostel Room
Earn's POV
A single moment in life can alter everything, a truth I never accepted until now. After just a month apart, everything has fallen into shambles, leaving nothing but heartbreak. I must have been incredibly naive to grasp the depth of heartbreak until I experienced it myself. It’s a sudden, harsh realization that the eyes you long to see each morning will no longer be there. It feels like a piercing stab to the heart or the damp, lifeless chill of a bleak, wintry morning. A sense of emptiness lingers even after hours of crying, as if your heart yearns to release even more tears yet remains unfulfilled.
Suddenly how did everything change? I'm losing control. The arms that once held me close are now pushing me away, and the lips that once yearned to kiss me now recoil in disgust.
I lie here on my single bed, staring at the ceiling, replaying those memories in my mind—our memories—which may no longer hold a place in her heart. I struggle to hold back my tears as the events of this evening replay in my mind. With trembling hands, I pick up my phone and hesitantly type out a message to her.
*On text*
Earn: I'm sorry! I shouldn't have done that.
P'Mor: Never do that again!
Earn: Tell me how should I move on? Because you seem to have done it quickly. {Left on Seen}

Never did I probably cry so much, but at this point no matter how much I cry, the tears keep rolling down my cheeks, my eyes have given up. It's already been 10 minutes, she read my text, but hasn't replied yet, the wait is excruciating. Shall I text her again? Will she get mad at me again?

*On text*
Earn(1): I'm sorry, P'Mor! With you, I learnt to fall in love, but you didn't teach me to fall out of it and now I am trapped.
Earn(2): Today when I kissed you, I saw something in your eyes, which I had never seen before and that spoke a lot more than what you did.
P'Mor: Hmm
Earn: It was disgust!
P'Mor(1): Even after telling you everything, how could you kiss me, Earn?
Earn: The way our first kiss meant nothing to you but
P'Mor: You made me feel uncomfortable. Please never do that again!
Earn: How could my kiss make you feel uncomfortable when you know that we've kissed a thousand times?
P'Mor: Earn
Earn: I'm sorry, I'm really very sorry!
P'Mor(1): It's okay!
P'Mor(2): Things are different now! I don't understand why you still can't understand it.
Earn(1): Because I've loved with all my heart, damn it {Unsent the Text}
Earn(2): Have you forgotten everything? Everything?
P'Mor: I don't have any feelings left.
And, at this point you are literally forcing me.
Earn: Is there any possibility that if I keep trying
P'Mor: No!
Earn(1): But I can't live without you! {Unsent the Text}
Earn(2): Got it! I'm really sorry, P'Mor!
P'Mor: It's alright! Good night.

She said goodnight so effortlessly and walked away, while I'm left here, trapped in the old PG room where we once lived together, whether in happiness or not, at least I had the comfort of being close to her. Now, I am alone and crying, despite her promise to be there for me forever. In this moment of need, she's gone. I can't help but blame myself for losing her. Despite feeling guilty, I keep trying to win her back, which only degrades my self-respect as I persistently bother her, enduring harsh words and humiliation. Yet, I cling to the faint hope that maybe, just maybe, her love for me might be rekindled someday. Is this how you define a heartbreak? I wish I could go back to my old self, the naive yet cold Earn who did not learn to fall in love in the first place.

Let me take you back to the day when I returned from home, this time with my mother and grandmother because they wanted to see my new PG Room. I had an appointment with the dermatologist and upon his advice, I got my haemoglobin checked which revealed that I'm severely anemic. My mother and grandmother were in a state of panic but all I could wish for was to see P'Mor. There had been significant changes between us, and I wanted to discuss them because my overthinking was overwhelming me. Before she departed, she had promised to call me every day, and I pledged to wait for her, no matter what. I kept my promise faithfully, enduring the endless wait. At first, her calls came often, but over time, their frequency dwindled. Her voice grew increasingly disinterested, and as our vacation drew to a close, her calls ceased entirely.