BEAUTIFUL MESS [Book 2] | MIKHAIAH

13

The young child that had coded on our watch was discharged a week later expected to make a full recovery. Which happily coincided with the start of the Step 1 exam block. I booked my exam in, I spent every spare minute I had studying, and I was exhausted with worry about passing, working shifts, and wondering where Amaia and I now stood. Our conversation in the closet had given me some peace of mind, especially when I saw Jean and Amaia in each other's company. It didn't mean I had to like it though, and my glares didn't go unnoticed.

"Mikaila," Amaia said, approaching me at pace after I spent my lunch break brooding over an egg sandwich as I watched Amaia and Jean pore over paperwork. Their heads together and Jean's need for affectionate touching ruined my appetite.

"Hi," I said to Amaia, looking down at my lunch and feigning interest in it. I took a bite.

"I want you to move back in."

Inhaling egg, and coughing it back up delayed my response.

Amaia rubbed me on the back. "You okay?"

"Fine," I managed to say around the blockage in my windpipe. "What did you just say?" I asked after coughing my throat clear.

"I want you to move back in."

"Move back in? Why?"

"Because you have a bed there, and I'm positive it'd be more comfortable than the sofa at Sam's."

"Well...yeah, but—"

"We managed to live together without too much drama before we..." She waved her hand around trying to find a descriptor.

"Had sex?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Before we started dating."

"But we never went on a date. Like, ever."

"We had other priorities."

"Maybe that was the problem."

She raised her eyebrows. "You think our relationship ended because we didn't date enough?"

I shook my head. Our relationship ended because I pushed too much. Our mutual inability to make time for each other compounded the problems, and on top of that, our intense and confining study schedule added to the drama. I put a hand over my eyes for a moment.

"I just think that maybe we should have..." I shrugged. "Tried a little more." I should have tried a little more.

"To date?"

"I guess."

She looked around the crowded cafeteria and sighed. "Mikaila, we're medical students, we don't have the flexibility other couples enjoy."

"I know. I'm not saying we do, I'm just..." I blew out a breath. "It doesn't really matter anymore, I suppose."

"I know that..." Amaia inhaled deeply. "I know that my ambition to succeed is intense. It infuriates me that someone like you who studies so casually succeeds as much as you do. It doesn't come that easy for me, so I work hard to achieve my goals. If that makes me seem overly focused, then that's the way it must be. I'm not going to apologize for wanting to excel. Becoming a doctor is all I have."

I wanted to disagree. I wanted to say she had me, too. Instead, I reached across the table between us, my hand extended for her to take. She eyed the offer then she covered my hand with her own and I got lost in the way our fingers brushed together for a moment. Squeezing her hand, I realized how much I missed her touch. For a moment, I swear she squeezed back.