𝐈𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐚: 𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐧 𝐒𝐚'𝐬 𝐉𝐢𝐣𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐚

𝟐𝟎.

All type of thoughts invade your mind when you are finally sitting quietly. It is at that moment you realize the actions you just acted, the consequences it will bring you and the effect that will have on your life. And when it happens it’s truly the worst because you are suddenly hit with so much information which you couldn’t realize at first even tho it was right in front of your eyes. But the sudden hit shakes the ground you stand on and takes the base away which you had made since a long time and you stumble out of balance.

It is a moment like that for me. I am sitting in the dining table with breakfast served in front of me but suddenly all my apetite is gone. He is sitting right in front of me and I guess he is going through the same moment of realization as I went through seconds ago. This is so awkward, what was I even thinking doing that. I just let go and went with the flow, didn't even try to stop or control myself. We hadn’t even talked once in the last month plus after all that how could I even forget how he shut me out, after all the countless times I tried to get him to interact with me. Not a call, not even a single text in this day and age of fast technology.

I can’t tolerate this silence any longer maybe I should just ask whatever is coming to my mind.

“So…how and why am I here?”

He looks at me as if to contemplate something and then asks,

“Do you not remember what happened yesterday?”

What happened yesterday? That’s right even tho I was trying to think about that earlier but I got scared and distracted seeing myself here. I try to think back to the events of yesterday one by one, I was backstage retouching my makeup, I was almost late, then she came to ask me to help her, I went to the storage, I was locked alone, it was all dark and I couldn’t get out.

Memories hit me like a movie trailer and I get an ache in my head then see bits and pieces of it flashing through my mind. Like him coming to save me, he picked me up and I remember the warmth of his embrace, him calling my name, me hugging him like my life depended on it. He had come for me, I was not alone.

“I remember.”

I say that with a shaky voice but he still picks up on it. Getting up he comes and sits in the chair beside me and there in his eyes I see anger and something else which I can’t pick up on. It is gone as soon as it comes in a flash.