brothers best friend ; bradley simpson

31

i finished tour and me and reece have decided to just keep everything secret for now just to be safe.

i've been working on a few songs and i'm planning my 26th birthday party as well as planning a second album for the beginning of next year

and he laughs at all my jokes and he says im so american

reece 💚💚 : you ready ? i'll pick you up in 10

me : ok ill be ready soon 🫡🫡

we were gonna go celebrate reeces birthday a little later because we got super sick after tour ended and missed his birthday.

me and reece drove to a restaurant to meet up with the band, millie and a couple other people for reeces birthday dinner

we walked hand in hand into the restaurant. the restaurant was closed for us, we all had a great time catching up

"bells look at this" millie tapped me on the shoulder

it was bradley's instagram, he had released a list of songs song called BeAutIfuL misErY, me and millie listened to it while everyone was talking over one another

it starts off with a laugh track, it was my laugh. it's soft and quiet before the first line starts

"i remember the evening, you said you were leaving... no room for forgiveness"

oh god. i knew this couldn't have been about me but the album having specific letters capitalized that spell out my name. we listened to the next song all the lies

"these feelings that we caught won't disappear, of all the lies i heard "i love you" was my favorite"

and then the next 'waves'

"Ghosts in my home, They leave 'cause they can find much better"

"And i know you're hurting, im sorry i wasn't there"

and then the next "lie to me" and then treading water. all those songs i can pin point a situation me and him were once in.

i got up and went to the bathroom. i locked the bathroom and just cried.

we've been broken up for more than 6 months and he's engaged and still writing these stupid songs about me

i unblocked his number and texted him

me : We've been broken up for almost 8 months already & you're engaged. quit writing these stupid songs about me. i'm sick of you ruining my healing process. i was over you bradley i have forgotten about you and you release these 9 songs all about me ?? coincidence that the capitalized letters spell out my name?? how can you sit there and do this shit over and over again. this is getting scary like it feels like obsessive behavior and it's genuinely getting scary and you need to forget about me because you're getting married.

bradley simpson : you're fucken weird. you really think those songs are about you. stop being so self absorbed, i've dated other girls in my life. you believe what you want to believe but you're fucken weird, we haven't talked talked since april. Like get your head out of your ass and realize this shit isn't about you.

me : im not stupid bradley. im not egoistic, that shit is about me. protocol?? you don't tell your mother because she'll tell your father. you know the situation with my parents. all the lies ? we WERE going to go to paris together for your birthday in december.  stop with the lies bradley stop embarrassing me. my fucken laugh was in your album. why are you doing this. you need to leave me alone, this is genuinely scary like im tired.

bradley simpson : oh please, stop believing everyone telling you these songs are about you. the crazy one is you. you're a hypocrite. you did the exact same thing. you even performed that shit live. do you know how much shit i've been taking from your stupid fans? you let them find my account. every comment was about you. even on my wife's instagram. you're fucken crazy.

wife? they got married?

me : your wife? you and stella got married already??

bradley simpson : just our marriage license. why do you care?

me : you're married and writing about your failed 3 month relationship. oh spare me. fuck you bradley.

bradley simpson : geez your such a child bailey. i wish you nothing but the fucken worst. i wrote those stupid songs as a nice way as i realized i broke your heart the second time  but you're turning this shit into a shit show. grow the fuck up bailey. this is tiring.

me : fuck you bradley. i wish we never fucken met and i wish you never went on tour with niall. i wish that niall didn't spent 20 fucken years on your guys stupid friendship. you're a horrible friend and a horrible person. 

i just stood in the bathroom and just leaned on the wall and took everything in.

millie walked in.

"hey hey are you okay? it's been like 30 minutes, reece has been asking about you" she closed the door

"im fine. um me and bradley are um we just got into a fight over text. he's married now um i need to go home" i opened the bathroom door

reece was just standing there

"hey you okay?" he hugged me

"yea reece im sorry. im not feeling well, i think im going to end the night early. im really sorry" i looked at him as he wiped the tears off my face

"ok i understand. i'll be there tomorrow morning okay? get some rest" he kissed me on the cheek

i walked home and just sat on the couch and cried. it just feels like a repeated dream. im stuck in a nightmare.

i don't think i've ever cried this much over an ex not even luke. it feels relentless. im over him but then im reminded of him and im back to square one of my process