MR. I HATE YOU ──ᴊ. ᴍᴀʏʙᴀɴᴋ

- 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘴 & 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘴 (pt. three)

- author here! Part 3 because i said so.

author makes jokes - 

Kidnappers: Get in the car.

Andrew, being kidnapped for the 43rd time: I want to sit in the front.

Spencer: So JJ, when did you get your driver's license?

JJ: My what?

Andrew, in the back: I need out of this fucking car.

JJ, to Andrew: I can never tell whether you're insulting me or flirting with me.

Sarah: If it makes you feel better, neither does he. 

Andrew:

Andrew: I smoke because it reminds me of my long departed step-dad...

Someone: That's so sweet-

Andrew: ...And that one time he pretended to blow himself up.

*After finding the city of gold*

Reporter: JJ Maybank, what do you have to say to the people who doubted the likely hood of a bunch of poor teenager's success?

JJ, lips touching the microphone: How does my entire ass taste?

*JJ watched one episode of Deadliest Catch and decided his backup plan is becoming a crab fisherman*

JJ, looking up at the ceiling next to a half asleep Andrew: Drew, would you move to Alaska with me and work on a crab boat?

Andrew: No.

JJ: ...Kay. if I still joined a boat and was gone for a month would you show the cats my picture?

Andrew: Only so they don't get attached to your replacement.

JJ, rolling over suddenly: You can't get attached to my replacement either, Drew.