The Mafia's Girl

Chapter 10. The Past

One! I shouldn't hav kissed her. Two! I shouldn't have touched her. Three! I shouldn't have wanted her. 4! I shouldn't be falling for her, 5!, 6!, 7!, 8!, 9!.....10! I drop the whip catching my breath feeling the blood run down my back, is it on my knees hunched over repeating the words in my head over and over again, she is nothing, love is weakness. I stand up from the floor wiping the sweat from my forehead, I deserved that, its my fault for falling for her. I put my shirt back on not bothering to clean up the blood and head upstairs, its like 4am so hopefully nobody sees me, this would be kind of hard to explain. 

I reach my floor and head to my door but before I can open it I hear a heart breaking scream, I turn around and find Annabelle standing a couple of meters away from my door, what the fuck is she doing here, "Oh My God, what happened to you?" she says her voice breaking from tears, "Go back to your room Annabelle" I tell her and enter my room not sparing her another glance, I slam the door closed and head for my bathroom turning on the shower and stripping off my clothes, I look at myself in the mirror, cigarette burns litter my chest, old branding scars on my arms, i'm surprised she's never noticed them before, I guess she was never close enough to see. 

As i'm about to get in I hear my door slam open, I peak out from the bathroom to see a very panicked Derek searching my room obviously looking for me, did she really have to tell him? He spots me and runs over switching on all the lights and gasping from the scars and blood on my body, "Cole, what happened to you?" he whispers tears filling my eyes, he must really care for me. "Nothing Derek, just go to bed" I tell him and get in the shower closing the door effectively ending that conversation. He leaves and for once I can breathe, I hate feeling smothered by people caring for me, I hear the shower door open and as I'm about to scream at Derek to leave I come face to face with a full clothed Annabelle who is now getting soaked as she stand under the shower with me.

 I freeze staring at her as she stares at me, I feel so exposed, so vulnerable, "Annabelle?" I question, I still have no idea what she's doing in here. "Did someone do this to you?" she asked reaching up and placing a hand on my chest, I suck in a breath, her hand is so warm, so comforting, she looks up at my, "Cole, who did this?" she asks, thats all it takes for me to break and I drop to my knees sobbing uncontrollably, she drops down too and pulls my shaking body into her arms letting me cry into her shoulder, I stay there for god knows how long until my shaking finally stops. With bloodshot eyes I look up at her and find her staring at me with a look of sympathy, I stand up pushing her away, "I don't need your fucking sympathy" I tell her and get out of the shower wrapping a towel around my waist, she follows me dripping water all over my floor.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what happened to you" she tells me crossing her arms, I just raise an eyebrow at her and push past her and head for my closet, I just want to sleep, "Cole, i'm being serious, I will bug you all night until you tell me, so for your own sanity I suggest just telling me" she states, fuck she's stubborn, why couldn't she just leave me alone. " I'm not telling you shit so just leave" I tell her heading to my bed and climbing under the covers, she follows me and climbs under too. I raise my eyebrows at her, "What the fuck are you doing?" staring at her now naked body, "My clothes were wet and I have nothing to wear, plus I told you i'm not leaving until you tell me what happened" she states turning to face me, I sigh, dammit, I need her to leave so I can sleep, I don't think I have much choice. 

"Fine, I was abused by my father for falling in love, he taught me not to feel those emotions because a true leader wouldn't and after I killed him I continued what he did as its the only way I stay strong" I tell her looking her in the eyes. "He hurt you for feeling love?" she asks tears filling her eyes, "Yes" I reply before looking away, seeing her cry hurts me, "Wait, why are you still doing it, Derek told me the women you loved left you?" she asks, I freeze up before I look at her again, "He's right she did leave", I tell her rolling over to face her, "Then why?" she asks in a whisper. I reach over to her face and brush the hair out of her eyes before caressing her cheek, I look deeply into her eyes and watch as hers widen, she's figured it out. 

"Me?" she asks, I just nod, "You love me?" she asks again, I sigh and lean over to place a kiss on her lips confirming her suspicions, "You hurt yourself because you love me?" she asks before sitting up hyperventilating, I sit up and grab her hands in mine, "Hey, it's not your fault, I chose to do it" I tell her trying to calm her down, "The man I love is hurting himself because of me of course i'm going to take the blame" she says before getting out of bed, "Wait, you love me?" I ask her feeling extreme happiness. She continues getting dressed, I get out of the bed and rush to her, "Annabelle, do you love me?" I ask her, she looks up at me tears falling from her eyes, reaching her hand up she pulls my face to hers and kisses me deeply, "I do" she says before heading for the door. 

"Where are you going?" I ask her confused, she stops, one hand on the door knob, "I don't want you to hurt yourself again, so i'm taking away the reason, things will go back to how they were before, goodnight Mr. Thompson" she states and then leaves, I stand there frozen, did she just leave me without us ever being together, jesus christ i'm one fucked up person, I have managed to ruin something that never began.

Father was right, I don't deserve happiness.