Us [18+]

Chapter 13

MADELINE'S POV ⛓️

The rest of the week and the one after that was monotonous. The new normal became getting to the gym before everyone else, getting calls from Jared in between drills, bonding with Luca, tiring myself out some more and falling asleep as soon as I got home.

I've not had a decent conversation with Iris, Mitchell or Julia since that Tuesday. I keep my door locked and my phone muted all the time. Morty and Debbie's baby shower is tomorrow and my fight with Julia is next week.

This new normal also means that I had to buy a box of chocolates for Jeremy because I glared at him and he nearly cried. It meant that the only thing keeping me from losing my mind was defending my title.

It also meant that Kayden feels like I'm pushing him away, I'm not- not intentionally at least. He took me bowling today, then we got ice cream and played chess- even if he did that just to make me happy. Once again, I'm exhausted.

It feels like my life for the past week and half is something you'd read about in an old journal. Mitchell comes by our- my house more often but rarely ever sees me because I'm always in my room. I'm not depressed, just... lost. That's what being without Iris has reduced me to.

It's a bit frustrating that she's not lost without me. Was there something I was doing wrong? I've gotta ask her. I ignored every rational thought. I ignored the fact that she was residing with Mitchell in her room at the moment. I ignored everything and walked out my door.

I knocked once, twice and then the door opened. She looked shocked because I hadn't done this in a long time. If I thought the 2 weeks she spent in Miami were long, this felt like 5 years.

"Hey, are-" I cut her off. Something I've been doing a lot. Mostly because I'm wearing my patience on my sleeve these days.

"I need to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind."

"Yeah, of course." She stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her and scurrying after me. I sat at the dining after making myself a smoothie. I didn't make one for her because, you know, I'm a horrible person. I went straight to the point.

"Was there anything I was doing wrong when we were together? Did I neglect you or make you feel second to anything in my life?" Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open.

"Maddie, where's this coming from?" She blinked rapidly like she couldn't believe I was asking that.

"I just want to understand why it was so easy to toss me. What was i doing wrong?" The pieces I've been putting together for the last week were falling apart.

"I didn't toss you, Maddie and you certainly did not do anything wrong. I love you, I always have." Her eyes were soft.

"Then why did you replace me? Why did you replace me with Mitchell?"

"Mitchell didn't replace you. No one can replace you Maddie. I just have so much love to-"

"Did I ever make you feel like you were smothering me? Why didn't you want to give me all that love anymore?" I heard footsteps and turned my head to find Mitchell standing there. His eyes were wide. He probably never thought I'd be this vulnerable.

I let them win again, didn't I? Except this isn't a game. Nothing with Iris ever is. I'm tired of keeping it in. I'm tired of acting like I enjoyed it when that sexy goof made her laugh instead of me.

I felt a hand on mine and Mitchell's eyes turned sympathetic. What was that supposed to mean? I heard Iris take a deep breath before I turned to her again.

"Against your wishes, I told Mitchell about us. As much as I like him, I'm in love with you. He..." her eyes darted before she looked back at me. "he thinks you're charming and finds you very attractive."

I looked over to Mitchell he averted his eyes quickly. My tear stained face was confused. What am I supposed to do with that information? Wait, what? Anger flashed through me.

"I will not be an afterthought. I was here first and you both don't get to make it seem like I'd be lucky if I joined your relationship." I guess I did lose against them. I looked at my smoothie and didn't feel like drinking it anymore.

I stood up and staggered back to my room. I might not make it to the gym tomorrow. I thought about calling Jared but I decided against it. He's making sure everything is perfect for the party tomorrow and I can't bug him now.

Fuck. My. Life.