The Compendium

Twilight

"You sound like life but, you tasted goodbye."

I never understood what you meant when you turned around and walked away. I told myself, it was you who was leaving me. So, perhaps, you were talking about yourself in a third person's point of view.

That it wasn't me.

How I came to know you were right-is a tale meant to be a nightmare.

I sound like life because my name is Evergreen. I've hated people shortening it to Ever or Green. Ever resounds the end of 'never' and 'forever' while Green for 'gangrene'-which, isn't very pleasant to imagine.

Your mother told me she had meant to name you Sunshine but you were too shy to smile so, she named you Dawn instead. If I were your mother, I would've called you Twilight. You were that glowing light just before the sun could set and rise everyday.

My twilight.

I always dreamt of your retreating back. I wish I ran after you and stopped you. I wish I told you what you wanted to hear from me but was too afraid to voice out. Then, maybe, you were with me now and both of us could be dancing under the rain or singing in the middle of the night while our neighbors are screaming murder outside our gate.

I was a coward.

I sound like life but I tasted goodbye.

You were right.

Your kisses felt like the fourth of July and New Years day. Full of hope, promises and fireworks. Of warmth and honesty and-love. Mine-I have read it in your eyes everytime-were addicting like drugs and intoxicating like alcohol. No promises of tomorrow-only now. Addicting but never promising.

I am sorry.

I am sorry when you wanted me to love you with the lights open but I've pulled you back into the darkness. I'm sorry if you hated the shadows and the dusts while I'm still picking up the courage of screaming to the world how much you mean to me.

I was afraid to lose you.

Of people taking you away from me when they find out-when they realize, how much you have more of me in your palm than anybody I have ever been with.

I have lost you anyway.

So, here I am. My Dawn, my Twilight.

I love you.

But-you have found your rainbow now. Your very own rainbow after a devastating storm that is me.

I sound like life but, in another universe, I hope I could also taste like forever.

Then maybe, you wouldn't walk away and I wouldn't have to regret losing you.

Until next time.

© astaire_grey

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