A Secret I Already Know

Ch. 3

I slowly blink open my eyes to see my room and my own bed. This is quite weird... I was-or, we were out at Stark's Pond just last night. I rub my eyes and look around the room.

On the ground, on top of a sleeping bag, and fast asleep is Cartman. Okay, now this is just confusing me...

I sit up and see that I have the same clothes still on. I get out of the bed and kneel now next to Cartman's sleeping body. I poke his chubby cheek. "Cartman, wake up. Wake up." I say.

He groans and pushes my hand away. "Five more minutes babe..."

Babe? He must be half asleep still and does this to an imaginary me often.

"Cartman, wake up now." I start poking at his cheek again. He grabs my wrist and quickly pulls me down next to him.

"But I don't wanna..."

I wait a few seconds before poking him again. "Wake up." I say again.

He groans a bit louder and this time almost puts a shocked look on my face. He had rolled over on top of me, one knee up almost against my crotch and my hands pinned above my head.

We stay that way for almost a minute. "Wake up Cartman." I say one last time. He slowly opens his eyes, and when he looks into mine, he's taken aback. His eyes widen, but he doesn't move.

"Morning." He says, nervous. I lay under him in silence. "I-I didn't say anything, did I?" He asks, obviously hoping that there's something I didn't hear.

"No." He sighs in relief. "Can you please get off of me?" I ask him.

"Right..." He let's go and gets off of me. I sit up and look at him. His face is a little red.

"Why are you in my room?" I ask him.

He nervously chuckles a little bit. "Well I brought you home after you passed out and your mom asked me if I wanted to stay the night." Great... thanks mom... "Your mom's still a bitch, don't get me wrong,"

I inturupt him mid sentence. "Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman." I say in a predictably monotonous voice.

"It would help if you started using emotions again..." He tells me.

I'd probably be pretty mad right now if I could. "I don't exactly have a say in the matter." I tell him.

He nods. "I know... s-sorry." He appologized again... dude I think I'm going genuinely crazy. I nod as to accept his apology and I stand up.

"Come on. Mom made waffles, I can smell it." I tell him, walking to the door. He gets up and follows.

We walk downstairs and sit at the table. Ike's already there. "Morning boys." Mom says.

"Morning mom." Ike and I say in unison, as if we were robots designed to say it.

"Good morning Mrs. Broflovski." Cartman says.

I look at him. He puts on that same fake smile he wears whenever he's at someone's house in front of parents. I look to Ike. He doesn't smile, but he doesn't look like me. His eyes are wide and ready for food. The small boy should be in first grade by now, but the school moved him up immediately to third. He's a genius, and I'm proud of him.

I look down at the table, trying, like every morning, to at least fake smile. Mom brings in a plate of pancakes and I grab one. Ike grabs two and Cartman suprisingly only grabs two as well.

We all eat, and Cartman and I go back up to my room. I sit on my bed and he sits beside me, just looking at me. I look back with the same expressionless face I've had for almost five months now.

"I'm sorry... about last night..." He says.

"It's fine. I guess. You've done worse." I respond. He nods in agreement. We sit in silence for a bit.

"So you really don't hate me?" He asks me. I nod. He smiles. We stare at each other in silence. He breaks ot after a little. "I need to get going home." He tells me. I nod and we stand.

"I'll walk you out." We walk out of the room and I tell mom what I'm doing. When we reach outside, he closes the door and grabs my hand.

"I'm sorry, again." He quickly leans in and kisses me for about three seconds. He runs off when he pulls away and waves goodbye to me. I stand still for a second. The edge of my mouth twitches, trying to smile, again.

Why is it only with him? Since the incident, not even Ike has been able to do that. Maybe... I...

I close my eyes and sigh. That can't be it. Well, it could, but it's unlikely.

Suddenly, the door beside me opens quickly. I look over and see my mother with a furious look on her face. She's mad about something she saw, isn't she?

"Kyle, you come inside right now!" She orders. I do so and she slams the door shut, dragging me to the kitchen. Dad stands there, reading a newspaper or something. "Gerald, you would not believe what I caught Kyle doing!" Mom yells.

Dad looks up. "Did he have a knife up to a kids throat or something?" He asks.

"He was kissing that Eric Cartman kid that just left!" Dad's eyes widen.

"You're gay??" He asks, furious.

Before I can even begin to put a word in, mom grabs a tighter hold of my arm and pulls me upstairs and throws me in my room. "You stay here until your father and I have decided what to do with you!!" She says, slamming my door.

Shit... something really bad is gonna happen... I didn't know that mom and dad would've reacted like this if I ever told them that I was gay... that means that they'd do the same thing to Ike... I don't know what they're gonna do, but I'm just gonna guess that I won't like it and I don't want Ike to be gay.

I sit down on my bed. After a while, I decide to change into my pajamas. I put on a simple tee shirt and a pair of gym shorts, and I sit back on my bed. After a bit, I lay down, feeling tired, and I close my eyes. Coincidentally, right as I do, I hear my door open. Mom walks in with a pissed off face.

"Come with me, and don't make a sound. If you do, we'll hurt your little brother." I nod and get off the bed, following her downstairs and into the basement.

I know what's coming next... I've read about this sort of thing happening to guys who told their parents that they're gay...

Different between me and them - I'm not actually gay. Mom just happened to catch Cartman kissing me.

"Kyle, just know that we're doing this because we love you." Dad says, grabbing the collar of my shirt and bringing me deeper into the basement.

"Bullshit you love me. You wouldn't be doing this if you loved me." I say. I feel him slap my cheek hard across the face as he pushes me to the ground.

I inhale deeply and wait for what I'm positive will be the death of me.

~*~