Seeds of Tomorrow

45

Mark was posted up in his spot with a cigarette at the entrance of the apartment complex when Krist pulled into the lot, he tensed, still pissed off about the way he'd come at him the day prior. Wasn't his fault Rocco was on some dumb shit, that was all his own doing.

"You ever do anything other than stand around out here?" Krist asked as he walked up to his little brother.

"You come here to talk shit again?" Mark asked, giving him the same sneer Krist had given countless times.

"I mean...I can," he smirked, "No, I came here to apologize for how I blamed you. Don't get it twisted, I ain't cool with you obviously doing the same shit but I appreciate you trying to look out for him."

Mark spit out the  side of his mouth, shrugged, "Just wasn't trying to see him fuck his life up because of no fucking dope head bitch."

Krist nodded, glancing at his feet, "What about you? You don't think you deserve better?"

The young man's hazel eyes were cast to the side, he remained silent, uncomfortable.

"Look...I know I can be kind of a dick but you're too young to be giving up on yourself. I know it probably don't feel like you were dealt the best hand in life but you got your entire life ahead of you. Don't fuck shit up to the point you ain't gonna be able to repair your future before it even starts."

"You came over here to preach at me or what?" Mark asked him bitterly.

"No..." Krist opened a preroll tube, dumping a joint into his open palm, "Well, yeah, a little. My point is, I been where you at and it isn't easy to dig yourself out once you're too far gone."

Mark put his cigarette out, "I been too far fucking gone since I was born, I didn't have the luxury of rich family to support me."

"Dude, my mom's family ain't got shit to do with any of that. Still had the same piece of shit father as you," he told him flatly.

"Bro, you had him most of your life, you know what it's like growing up with no fucking dad?"

Krist scoffed, "Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do. Dad wasn't barely around and when he was it was basically just enough to fuck my life up. Who you think taught me how to smoke dope? Trust me, you didn't miss out on nothing."

Mark spit out the side of his mouth, "He taught you?"

"Sure the fuck did."

"He said you were already getting high before you lived with him."

Krist folded his arms across his broad chest, "I fucked around with dope but snorted it. Mother fucker came home from work, saw me and my fuckin' homie were high, and was like 'Let me bust my shit out'. Never smoked the shit til Dad showed me. I ain't gonna say I wouldn't have learned but, yeah, that's who taught me.

"He even had me go hook his ass up because my boy's parents were cooking that shit. But then he wanna kick me out for being an addict. Like he didn't expect that to happen. Fuckin' piece of shit father, for real."

Mark was silent.

"I know you grown and all but you can do better than you been doing. Like, yeah, if you fuck up now you can bounce back but it ain't easy. Shit, I know it looks like I got my shit together but it took a long time to get where I'm at. And if I didn't have Rocco, I don't even know where I would have ended up. Probably woulda been dead years ago.

"I just see a lot of me in you and...I don't know man, I got lucky I guess. It's so damn easy for something to go wrong in a blink of an eye and your life is changed forever, you know? You got a kid on the way, you know that one stupid instance will change your future."

Mark cast his eyes to the side, looking very much like a young kid at the moment.

"You even got a plan for this kid?"

"It ain't mine, I'm telling y'all that," Mark muttered.

"I'm gonna sound like a dick but if she was gonna pin a kid on anybody, why you? What you got to offer her? You don't work, don't have money or nothing, what does she get out of pinning this kid on you?"

"Me. She thinks if it's mine, she gets me and that ain't happening," he told him, cocky.

Krist fought the urge to roll his eyes, "But it if is yours?"

"I am not even entertaining that bullshit, it ain't mine. Simple as that," Mark said firmly.

Krist wasn't going to argue with his brother, it wasn't worth the breath. Mark had made his mind up and until a DNA test proved him wrong, nothing would sway him.

****

His dad had let him skip work that day, not necessarily as an act of kindness but because he had school the next day and wanted Rocco to be able to pay attention to his classes. His body hurt worse than when he'd gotten Covid a few years prior, joints ached, back ached, jaw ached, and his dick felt like he had spent an entire night yanking it with no lotion.

Rocco took a long soak in the tub, ate a small meal, and avoided his mom. Of all the people he felt guilty about letting down, it was her. She always spoke so kindly of him and thought highly of him and he had fucked that up. She had popped her head in the room that day but Rocco was lying in bed with the covers over his head, feigning sleep. Or as his dad called it, playing possum.

Mark texted, Rocco didn't open it. Annie texted, worried that he hadn't come in. Thank god she wasn't on his Facebook.  He let her know he was sick but fine and got a "feel better soon" message back. Nothing from Evie.

He had been nearly asleep when Gabe let himself in the room, "Who was that chick on your Facebook?" He wanted to know.

"Get the fuck out of here," Rocco said, eyes closed as he felt around for a pillow to throw at his little brother.

"You hit?" Gabe wanted to know, "I woulda, she was hot."

Rocco was too tired to tell him that nobody in their right mind was gonna let him hit if he smelt like straight-up onions and ass.

"Why is dad all pissed off at you?"

Rocco ignored him.

Gabriel clicked his tongue at him, "You're lame as fuck, bro." He told him before leaving the room.

Audrey came in later to lecture him about how she overheard that he was on drugs, and how drugs affect the body and relationships. "And now nobody trusts you," she told him matter-of-factly, "You're going to die like Uncle Brad if you don't get help."

"You're going to die like Uncle Brad if you don't get the fuck out of here," he told her. He usually saved that kind of comment for smelly-ass Gabe but Audrey was on his nerves too.

"I'm just saying, Mom and Dad are very disappointed in you. I don't want you to die."