The Things We Don't Say

Chapter 9

Things around me didn't appear to be changing but I was changing somehow. My infatuation with Haider was growing day by day and it just annoyed me to hell.

I couldn't function without talking to him.

Every cell in my body told me I have fallen in a deep abyss or love and longing that will not ever be fulfilled by neither hum nor the society.

I cried some nights, asking God why he put me in such a place he knows i can't get out of because deep down I am a hopeless romantic.

I knew I was fucked in the long run.

I told no one about my feelings and even tried my best to shut that voice in my head.

Everyday meeting him, telling him stuff, studying with him made it difficult but I never I pull back.

Sometimes I see my current circumstances and think perhaps it would be better it I had pulled back from him but I had to live a fantasy and I did but I paid a price.

I'm still paying it.

We both studied together for mids. Our bonding over inferential statistics was amazing.

He, like always had no idea what the syllabus was or where the material was but I always helped him out at the last minute.

He always scored above average. The three semester I cram him made his GPA.

But there was a changed some people would not notice but someone who lives with you, has raised you, fed you and then everything since the day you were born with definitely notice.

My mother.

She noticed the mood changes, the constant aloofness in me, the constant talk of Haider.

She knew that the only highlight of my day was him and my mood otherwise would be draining.

I'm at fault, at not being able to hide my feelings but sometimes so was she.

There is a trending in QAU that your welcome party is never in the semester you entered the university. I got my welcome in 4th semester. Secondly, the functions are late night, mostly designed to suit the hostelites.

The day my senior decided to give us this welcome party, it was a very weird day to give a party. They did not check with the weather forecast and it rained heavily that night.

I asked my mother to let me stay at the hostel with other day scholars but she refused. I asked again but she scolded me.

Things like that are so common with me. Both my parents worry for me and don't allow me placed die to my eyesight. I agree with them that I have problems but sometimes at some places things just feel so unjust and I feel the left out.

I was in 4th semester and knew how my university works. Their are no time limits, no good facilities and no decorum.

I knew everything and it was my first ever event so I wanted to go anyway. Evey day scholar was staying in hostel. Everyone wanted me to come.  My seniors requested me to come personally.

I know how my parents react to such things but still I asked them.

The first time I asked I told her about the situation and how people are staying in hostel.

They reduced me and gave me a 1452th lecture about my eyesight and poor sense of direction.

I sighed and tried 3 4 days later.

This tome I asked about letting me go and then I'll come back.

No again as it's a late function and all.