The Things We Don't Say

Chapter 10

Things didn't workout which was obvious because my mother didn't understand why I took her there to meet my teacher.

Let's give a background.

I had visited the psychology department for councilor sessions. I had not been feeling myself lately and it has a lot to do with how I was feeling about Haider and my dealings with mom.

The first time they told me that we'll let you know if anyone was available but I was desperate.

I knew that our introduction to psychology tea her was among the visiting faculty from psychology department.

I just had a hunch they she might be able to help me. So as she exited our class that Tuesday after the lecture, I stopped her.

"Come by after 1 pm to my office." She said sweetly.

I went and we talked. It was nit a psychoanalysis, just a talk.

I felt better after it and followed some things she told me too.

I told Haider about it. Not about how's it related to him but the other stuff. He appreciated me and said he might go to her as well for consult. But knowing him, he'll never go and I was right he never did.

I didn't go back to her untill this day with my mother.

I was open with her and told her how I felt. Mostly about how she doesn't let me to anything.

She was vile to me and vile to me. She blamed everything on Haider that since he joined the group everything is changing in me.

"She has started to lie to me!" my mother said. "A girl who I raised and had never led her entire life is lying to me!"

"Because when I try to tell u something or ask you, you say no!" I said

The teacher was being the moderator.

Spat between us continued and then my tea her told me to go out. I don't know whdt they were talking in the room about nut I had a gut feeling that my mother will not come out of there understanding me.

I sighed. I messed it up. In my anguish I just took a big step by bringing her here. She's a brown mother. Understanding your own child feelings is not in their manual.

We came home and she cried and cried. She made me to tell my father I lied and made a deal about it.

I felt so alone that day.

Thi gd were fucked because of me and this was just the start.

Things slowed down as they do with time but she told me how she felt ripped how I took her to a teacher and told her about our family.

"Since the day you went to school, all your teachers have said how excellent you are, how obedient and hardworking. But you broke my pride by telling her such stuff about the family."

I didn't know then that my plea means nothing to her that's why I tried. "I was not in a good place and did t feel like I could talk to anyone and that's why I went to her. Not to belittle you or baba."

"You can talk to me. Why talk to someone who doesn't know you."

I sighed. "you don't get it."

Then she started to say all those things about how she raised me. The emotional and financial effort they did for me.

I just felt that I'm yelling through a thick wall where she can't see or hear me at all.

This incident is still a thing she taunts me with that I know now she will never get my point behind it.

I let it go for that time.

My fourth semester was over and I had to made a decision to improve my garde in the subject our teacher did a number on us with or leave it.