Shadows Bleed

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I spent the better part of the two week journey in Robert's cabin, not eating, hardly sleeping and only drinking when the crew forced me to out of fear death would claim me. For the first three days I just sat and stared at, sometimes even talked to, Robert's body. On the third night, however, I was forced to accept that it was time to remove his body. Already it was beginning to decompose.

It was a simpler task than I would have hoped for, wrapping his body in sheets and lowering his bound corpse into the sea. I did it all under the cover of dark, uninterested in interacting with the crew. That was over a week ago now.

Now, as I gazed absentmindedly at the ghost of Robert's body, still etched in my mind, I could hear them talking about me on the deck.

"She's been in there fer twelve days now!" a voice I recognised as Baller's said.

"If the captain wants to stay in 'er cabin then she'll stay in 'er cabin," Bluepin reasoned. "We were told to trust her, we were even paid to. My gut says there's something special about her."

"Oh good, now we've got two loonies; one talking to a dead man and the other to his stomach. Burn me! What are the rest of us supposed to do, eh?" Baller whined. "We've not seen another sail or land since we left 'aven. Where are we going?"

"Exactly where she told us; west."

"What if she still 'asn't come out by time we 'it the Stormwall?"

"Then, and only then, will we ask 'er what she wants us to do."

I stood up. Robert's scent continued to, however vaguely, linger in the cabin. No matter what I told myself or what I tried to do, I was unable to pull myself away from him. How could I justify what I had done?

"I'll be right back," I whispered to the empty bed, unconcerned with how far I was slipping towards insanity, and walked outside. My legs groaned in protest, the muscles weak and tired from days of being still.

"We're going through it," I said firmly and both men turned to look at me, eyes wide. Whether that was from seeing me, in an obvious state of disrepair, or the notion of sailing through the Stormwall, I wasn't sure. Maybe it was both.

"With all due respect," Bluepin started. "No one 'as ever made a trip through the Wall and survived."

"I know. This time will be different. I promise."

"How can y-" Baller started but was reduced to a muted mumble when Bluepin placed a chubby hand over his mouth.

"If she says we'll make it through, we'll make it through," he said and smiled at me. I wondered what Avad'dhon had told them to so quickly earn me their respect. Nevertheless, I desperately wished he'd direct it elsewhere, to someone more worthy.

I nodded gratefully and returned to the cabin. Robert was waiting for me.

***

I slid back into the chair that had become well-accustomed to my shape in the last dozen days and, putting my head in my hands, began to sob softly, lest the crew should hear me.

"What am I supposed to do Robert?" I asked as though he would respond. "I'm going to a land no one's ever seen with people I hardly know to kill a man I've never met. I'm supposed to be free but I've never felt more caged in all my life."

A cruel laugh escaped my lips and transitioned into a full-blown cackle.

"And here I am, sitting, talking to the spectre of a dead man as though he can help me. I can't forget why I'm doing this, can I Robert? I can't forget why I killed the crew, why I killed you. I have to help my own family, nothing else matters.