Black Roses, A Raven and Dark Shadows

The Black Roses Show Their Thorns

After months and months of no contact from my mother or sister, out of the blue my mother calls and says she is mailing stuff for my birthday, of course, just as I expected, crap, because that is all I ever get, of course my pictures were in the package, and some from my sister, with a note, cold and callus of course, and one has to wonder where she got those pictures, because I never gave them to her. and given the fact they happen to be from film that was developed after I got back from overseas, and not in my possession but my exes, incidentally after he stole the bag of film from me, to hid what he had been doing behind my back.  One has to think he had them developed and sent to my mother, of course all this was behind my back. Grateful I should be, hum let's see, for the picture being unharmed yes but deceit, no. Then to top it off others was dished out to my younger son, without even my consent first, no respect from either my mother or my sister. They don't think they have to ask me anything, they think they are above me and always have. Who wants stupid holiday trolls, for their birthday that was purchased during the 4th of July, and St Patrick's day, and their things they don't want, as well as kitchen towels and hot pads, dollar store stuff they bought and decided while thinning things out they would give them to me, plus writing pads, religious novenas and cards again, that you get for free for donating money was in my package, even old easter seals, and greeting cards, that was free, this is not a gift, same with a second hand regifted cheap Amythest bracelet my mother obviously got from someone else, and she never wore, not even real, something you pick up at a gas station gift shop. Old Video tapes, and other junk among the things, real nice, huh? they are the very incarnation of black roses, every inch of them. There thorns get longer with each passing month, and years. 

I thought my mother cared, but I was wrong, I should have known, I knew it when I was a kid, the favoritism, she showed my sister. Oh of course I called to let her know, I got the package, low and behold sister showed up thee when I was on the phone, and with her eldest grown son in tow, all the age of 33 and still lives at home. at 6;45 in the evening, unusual yes, for my sister since her old man likes her wrapped around his ass 24/7. Sop I found that to be suspicious in itself, what it seems to me is my sister and her ulterior motives, is this, to clear out my mother's apartment, while she is still alive to get her hand on everything of value, her jewelry and things my sisters son wants to get his grubby hands on, he's just like my sister, two peas in a pod, no work ethic either. When I talked to my sister to confront her about something else, and to ask a favor, for a certain picture, she was evasive and nonchalant, and acted like she didn't know what I was talking about what her stupid friend did. But she lies, she always had lied, and still does, to everyone, and she has never been truthful with me ever. She is greedy and selfish and will stop at nothing to get what she wants, always. 

The ultimate freeze out, there has always been the frigid temperature when it comes to my mother and sister and how they treat me, but in the last 4 years or so, it's been the second coming of the ice age. Forgotten, lied to, and ignored, and they fill their garden with themselves, as they are black roses, their very fragrance reeks of jealousy, denial, ignorance, intolerance, narcissism, resentment, and lies. While my garden is a reminder to keep the roses that are black as a reminder not to let yourself get hurt, or angry, and to play their own game, by not calling them, and taking care of yourself. By allowing there hate to hurt you, and their resentment to climb into your soul, you're setting yourself up for misery, don't do it, be tough, take a little dip into that ice water, it's quite refreshing and exhilarating, wakes you up to the truth, and you emerge strong. Grown a few thorns for protection, and only bring them out when needed, and never use them against yourself. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, and stick to your guns, your values, and your own virtues, don't let someone else's bullshit stand in your way of happiness, or what is right. Ignore the idiots, stand up, and be counted, be yourself, have your own mind, and smell the manure for what it is, and dump it where it belongs.

Some family you have to leave alone, and forget, some you let be, and wallow in the mud and muck they create, ask yourself "do you want to wallow in the mud, or do you want to play in the mud? The prettiest flowers grow in the rich mud of the Nile River in Egypt, the lotus, papyrus flowers, and lilies., the mud you play in can become the garden of your dreams, the mud one wallows in can become their grave. Choose, it is your garden, whatever you call it, allow the black to absorb the negativity, and use it, to guard your heart, and mind, and what the beauty emerge. Have strong stems; by not bending over backwards so much you break, dance in the wind, and hearken the sounds of nature, one can free their minds, knowing the truth, and seeing with their soul.