Happier With You | ✓

Chapter 16

Cody's POV

I hadn't seen London since that day in the park. I told myself I was doing the right thing, that I had to let her go, but each day that passed, the regret only grew stronger.

I wondered how she was doing. If she was sleeping okay. If she thought about me at all. If she hated me as much as I hated myself. But then again nobody could hate me as much as i hated myself right now.

But I couldn't pick up the phone and ask. I didn't deserve that.

I told her to leave. I made her leave.

I made her hate me.

And because of me, she got in that car accident.

If I had just swallowed my pride. If I had just gone to that appointment like I was supposed to. If I had just held on a little longer.

She wouldn't have been in that car.

It was all my fault.

That's why I had to force myself to move on. If I let myself dwell on it, I'd break. And I couldn't afford to break any more than I already had.

I sat on the front steps of the school, waiting for my mom to pull up. She was picking me up early for another doctor's appointment.

I wished I could drive. I wished I could do normal things again. I wished I didn't have to be escorted around like a child.

But ever since I found out I had a mass in my brain-ever since they told me it was cancer-nothing had been the same.

And this? This was only the beginning.

Just then, my mom's car pulled up.

I climbed in, shutting the door behind me.

"Everything alright?" she asked, glancing at me.

"Yeah. Just tired," I said, leaning my head against the window. "Dad had some work to do, and he didn't get much sleep last night, so his noise kept me awake practically all weekend."

"I'm sorry, baby," she said, her voice soft. "I wish you didn't have to go through this. Especially now, with everything else you have going on."

I nodded. There weren't any right words for this conversation.

"But cancer doesn't just affect you, Cody. It affects the whole family," she added, letting out a dry chuckle.

I turned to her, glaring.

"What?"

She stopped at a red light and looked at me.

"You getting diagnosed with cancer changed everything for us," she continued, like she hadn't just dropped that bomb on me. "Therapy, checkups, tests-it was a lot. Your father and I had to change our work schedules. It was never going to work out."

She turned her head back to the road, the light turning green.

I felt my jaw tighten.

"Are you saying it's my fault?"

"No, honey! Not at all."

But her voice was too quick.

I stared out the window, my fists clenching.

"Why does everyone make it seem like I had a choice? Like it's all my fault?" I muttered. "Cancer wasn't a would-you-rather question. It just happened. I couldn't control it."

"Cody..."

See?

I was right.

"No, Mom, that's what you meant."