Lacrymose

Heartbeat

Jace is still half-bent over Clary, back twitching in discomfort from the position, when Magnus Bane arrives on his doorstep, quite literally. And in that moment, the immortal nineteen year old is more like a saviour than anyone else, as his eyes stare at them with a heavy grief. Jace hadn't realised it but tears were still tracking slowly down his face as he met Magnus's gaze, surprised when it was the warlock who looked away.

"Clary," She turns to look at him with wide eyes, almost unseeing- but she can see him there, his gaze gentle and caring. "I'm going to see if I can heal you, okay? It's going to sting a fair bit but I'll do what I can. If-" He broke off briefly, considering his words carefully. "If I can't heal you, we're going to have to let you heal normally. Which means stitches and bandages a-and... and-"

Jace cut him off there, feeling Clary shake against him with renewed energy and a rising noise in her throat like a scream but muted and terrified. "It's okay, shhh..." It took some time for her to calm, eyes still darting around quickly but her shivering, for the most part, stopped.

It takes half an hour for Magnus Bane to realise that nothing he is doing can heal her. His magic moves like a wave, over and over but it does nothing, just sends shivers of cold throughout her bones and drains his energy like water through a sieve. At last, he stops and lowers his hands, shaking his head wearily. "There's nothing I can do. It should work! Those spells should heal every illness and every wound. I-i... I don't know why they aren't working."

And it's creeping up on Jace now, the true reality of what he has to do now and how horrible he has failed. He'd promised her, vowed to keep her safe and now she lies in his arms with a body broken and a spirit shattered.

All because he'd driven her away. To keep her safe but he'd driven her straight into the arms of the devil himself. And she'd been through hell and it was all his fault. With a grim set to his mouth, he detached Clary's hands from his shirt and she lay still on the bed, eyes watching them both with an unreadable look.

And Jace grabs the first aid, laying it out on the bed and grabbing what he needs, as she watches with cautious wariness. But she looks so beautiful, even now. An angel, fallen and broken but still so beautiful. To hell if she's his sister- he wants to kiss her lips and whisper vows of love in her ear-

But she's bruised and broken and she will never shake this fear. How can he think like this right now, as he is about to heal what he can of what is left behind?

Magnus shifts behind him, before sitting next to Clary at the head of the bed and she flinches before settling down, arms wrapped around her stomach as Magnus runs a hand through her hair. He begins to clean the dirt from her face and neck, his expression soft but a fury runs behind his eyes, cold and calculating.

Jace starts on the smallest of wounds, the little abrasions and cuts that require little attention beside some antiseptic and coverings. She's quiet, watching him with dark green eyes from beneath her lashes and he sees her eyes following his hands, gently cleaning wounds and as he encountered a larger wound, deep and caked with blood, her eyes widened as he thread a suture needle. With a bottle of anaesthetic, he cleans out the wound with a deceptive calmness and gentleness. She can't feel the pain as he begins to stitch but the sensation is still there, a pulling and a tugging motion that sends little shivers throughout her body.

It takes almost half an hour for her major wounds to be stitched up and cleaned, expertly stitched and tended to with a careful eye. Magnus has done the same on her arms and torso, as Jace breathes deeply and prepares himself for the next thing.

"Clary, we need to fix everything." She flinches when he says this, arms curling around her stomach in a twisted embrace and she shakes her head emphatically. There's terror in her eyes, something deep and twisted. "Please, Clary. I-" His voice broke and shook as he spoke. "I have to fix you. Please let me fix you."

Her eyes are wide, unblinking but her posture softens, hands falling to the mattress and Magnus excuses himself, leaving Jace to tend to his sister. The word is still bitter to his heart and it hurts. But he shoves that pain aside in favour of tending to the girl before him.

He steels himself, gathering his rage and concentrating it as much as he can into a courage he knows will snap after this.

There's blood caked on her inner thighs, dark and dry in the light but there is so much blood. Tears prick his eyes, a sharp burning pain but he blinks them back, as he dips a cloth in water and ignores the way she flinches as he wipes the blood away. He concentrates on his task- his eyes never wander and his hands are steady. He has to be strong for her.

There's blood everywhere, caked at her centre and he waits for Clary to calm down, knowing this is going to need patience and steady hands. He begins to talk as moves, describing what he's doing as he does it and why he's doing it. And she calms as he does it, muscles tense but not resisting. He cleans everywhere he can, hushing her softly as she cries out in panic at sensations and then continues. He rubs antiseptic and painkillers into every wound, inside even- and isn't that the worst thing, as he holds her and he has to be cruel to be kind. She cries and whimpers and the noises are like daggers in his heart. When he's done, he's a mess and she's a nest of exhaustion. He pulls the covers over her as she sleeps, twisting and turning restlessly.

And Jace walks out, hands red with blood that is not his and he doesn't notice, his eyes glazed and he makes his way to the kitchen. He can hear soft voices talking from there and he finds all three Lightwoods in the kitchen, though their conversation drops as he walks in. They are staring at him and it's only now that the blood on his hands becomes apparent. He's washing them feverishly seconds later, scrubbing and clawing at his skin in an attempt to remove the stain. But it's still there and he slides to ground with empty eyes, head cradled in his hands.

Her blood is on his hands and he can never wash them clean.

Alec is beside him and he doesn't realise he's weeping until the red shirt turns the colour of blood beneath his tears and he can't stop. He's finally gone into shock, shaking and he sits as his family comforts him but to no avail.

_______

Simon knows something is wrong the moment he steps foot in the house, too silent and the coppery, heady scent of blood is heavy in the air. He find the Lightwoods in the kitchen, crouched next to Jace, who has his head in his hands and when his eyes meet his, there's an unparalleled grief there, something deep and it shakes Simon to the core.

There's blood on his hands, just hints of it and the sink is filled with pink stained water. He sniffs carefully and his spine straightens as the scent registers with him. The blood is Clary's. All of it is Clary's and he moves inhumanly fast up the stairs, ignoring Isabelle's cry for him to wait. He opens Jace's door, where the scent of blood and Clary is strongest, and his knees grow weak.

She lay curled in the bed, arms wrapped around her stomach and the darkness of bruises against her pale skin is almost more than he can take. The scent of blood is heavy in the room and he can smell so many things that are wrong. The scent of blood and sex and semen and... Sebastian. Sebastian's scent is all over her, despite the dirt being washing from her skin.

There's a cold anger inside his heart, not beating but not dead either. It stirs to life with a rush of rage and he sense someone coming up behind him, the scent of blood heavy on them and he doesn't turn to Jace. His gaze is set of the frail-looking in the bed, her dreams heavy and dark.

"When did this happen?"

Jace isn't sure he's ever heard Simon this cold, so righteously furious. It matches his own fury and he knows well the pain Simon feels at this moment. He's never gotten along with the vampire but this is different. He feels this way about Clary- Jace will partner with anyone who can care for Clary as much as he does.

"I'm not sure- I wasn't here. Sometime during the battle, I think. Sebastian may be wanted by the Clave for war crimes- but his head is mine now."

Simon turns to him then, eyes cold and darker than Jace has ever seen them. And then he smiles, a cold vicious thing with teeth that are too sharp.

"He will suffer."

And the former mundane brushed past him, silent steps down the stairs, the soft noise of the vampire slipping out the door and into the night.

And Jace settled into the chair beside his bed and watched as she slept, eyes moving beneath her lids and the softness of sleep lending her more beauty than anyone should possess.