Deadly Beautiful. (Xianwang ff)

Being good

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Wangji was sitting on the stool while looking out of the balcony to his garden. The garden where the innocent bunnies died..no..killed. His hands trembled slightly, he immediately held them together letting out a shaky breath..he didn't knew, if it was because of the trauma or the pills.

He knew if he would keep taking those pills, soon he would be no more. But he doesn't care, he was addicted..he slowly stood up and walked towards the garden, the sun above him, made his whole body go warm..ofcourse the autumn was just on the corner..it was about to be 5 months since he have been staying here.

Wangji walked slowly through the garden, his steps careful. His eyes darted on the floor, like wanting to find something..or to see the already dried up blood of the bunnies on the grass. His eyes pierced on the grass. There were the blood.

He crouched down and plucked out the strand of grass, he examined it carefully, the visions all coming..whirling into his mind. He threw the grass away and stood up. Oh, he hated this feeling..he hated that he hated himself.

"Lan Gonza..his majesty will be here soon"

Wangji turns around and finds Mian who was looking at him, she came forward. He just nodded and sat on large stone fit for sitting on the middle of the garden.

"..We need to prepare you", she utters while kneeling infront of hee gonza..clearly noticing the shaky hands of the other. But she decided to ignore it.

"I am already prepared..just..", he looks at the sun with soft gaze, "..waiting for the sun to go down.."

Mian slowly nodded, she places her hand on top of her gonza's shaky hands. She knew it was the side effect of the pills, she was worried.

"Gonza..today..don't take the pills please..", she requested with plead in her eyes and voice, Mian was afraid more than Wangji itself.

Wangji stared at her..he knew why she was requesting, he glanced at the hands and back at her. He knew he needed to stop now, it was being too much for him. But he can't stop, he forbid to stop.

"..Mian..why don't you go and bring me some lotus roots soup?"

Mian wanted to protest to her gonza that why he cut off the topic just like that. But she knew she has to do what her gonza says, so she nodded reluctantly and stood up. Mian stared at him for a second and went back inside the court. Wangji stared at her back fading into his court. He sighed deeply and glanced at the sun once again.

Jingyi was also listening to everything, when Mian entered, he looked at her and sighed, Mian looked down.

"..Lan Gonza..seems addicted already Mian.."

"..I know..I..I just don't want to believe it Ah-yi..look at what he's doing to himself"

Jingyi nodded softly in understanding, he patted her shoulder in reassurance and went back inside the court's kitchen to prepare the soup. Mian stood there watching him and slowly turned towards the garden. She saw Wangji's back. She was sad..upset. It was no wonder she truly cared for him so much.

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At evening, Wangji was sitting infront of the mirror while combing his hair, Mian and Jingyi already left as the emperor will be here any second. As he was combing, he stared at himself..the beauty which he held, he hated it..so much. Because of this beauty..just this beauty this all happened to him.

He sighed and placed the comb down, he slided off the drawer and took out a pill, he gulped it down with the water, he felt good..just with that.

"Lan Zhan"