Deadly Beautiful. (Xianwang ff)

Desperate

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Wangji sat under on the sun while admiring the flowers everywhere. He can smell the fresh air, maybe it symbolises that the god has given him the second chance to live straight now. No more pills. He won't ask for more, because he will wait for Xichen to come and take him from this miserable life. He will not die till he gets the true information if his husband is still alive or not. He will know first and then he will have the permission with himself to leave this pathetic world, where everyone are behind for the beauty and nothing is of loyalty and true love. This world is cruel indeed..atleast for him.

His beauty shook the world, but suddenly nobody can touch him because he is in the hands of the most powerful emperor. Wuxian had already made clear that to touch LanZhan, the person must go through him first, and anybody who challenges Wuxian faces the hell itself. So nobody dares. Atleast Wangji is alive till now, or anybody would have taken him in, made him their toy, sell him somewhere.

But what good is here anyways? Here is the same, he has to get fucked by Wuxian whenever the Emperor wants. He is not more than a play toy. He knew he has no dignity left, but somewhere he knew that his dignity was larger than anyone here. But still everybody looked at him with those eyes. Those eyes which cringes him up, chills his spine, makes his body shiver with disgusting feelings.

So atleast he is at the hands of a powerful man, who is a pure evil sometimes..but sometimes he is a pure gentlemen. But Wangji knows not to trust even a single person in this world. He has faced the warth, he can't face anymore. Xichen will come to save him one day, and he will wait no matter what, it's a promise with himself.

But how much can he hold himself up in this cruel life, how much more? His everyday is messed up. Nothing is normal now, noone is normal. He misses his parents whom he cannot meet, Wuxian won't let him. He stares at the tree blankly, only if he was born ugly. Nobody would have loved him, nobody would have cared for him. But atleast, he could have been himself, he could have live the life fullest without any troubles.

But thinking and saying is more important rather doing it. If he was ugly he would have been dreaming about being the most beautiful man in this whole world right now. Nobody is never satisfied..including himself. He watched as the birds chirped and flew above him and passes by him. The free way they were using their wings, he felt jealous. He looked down at his trembling hands and felt immediate surge of pain in his stomach. He breathed shakily and heavily while placing his palm on his stomach.

He let's out a shaky painful breath. It was a terrible pain, but he could handly it as he handled more brutal pains before. This is nothing. Wangji slowly stood up and walked inside his chamber. He sat on the edge of the bed and opened the drawer. He started rummaging through it only to find one single pill if it's possible. He couldn't bare living without it.

Wangji opened the cupboard after not finding any pills in it. He threw the clothes on the floor desperate to have a pill, he couldn't find it. He looked everywhere and when Jingyi suddenly entered his eyes widened seeing the scene, his gonza was bent down and was looking for something under the bed while the clothes were scattered around and drawers also pulled off.

He immediately walked forward, "Gonza, what are you doing". Wangji hearing the voice sits up and quickly gets up, he runs to Jingyi and grabs his collar, "Where are my pills!", he shakes him violently. Jingyi couldn't believe what he was seeing right now, infront of him was the Lan gonza whom he have never seen before- this personality..this desperation. It was not normal.

"Gonza you cannot take those pills anymore. You didn't heard what Mian said yesterday?"

"I don't care!"