VULNERABLE

STUDY SESSION, SLEEP AND HANDS

ARMAAN

I throw my bag on the bed, utterly exhausted. I had made plans to go to Laila's study session, and I keep telling myself it's for my grades and not for her.

Tahbeer.

The name rolls off my tongue so easily, it’s almost like a reflex action. I shake my head and head for my closet to choose what to wear.

I'm not one for flashy outfits; comfort is my priority. I grab black sweatpants and a plain white shirt. It’s a bit tight, but it’s comfortable enough.

Grabbing my phone, I head downstairs to find Ummi. The house is so quiet you’d think no one was home, but there she is, looking as beautiful as ever.

When I was a child, I thought she was an angel because of how pretty she looked. For a woman in her late 30s, she looks young—and without the Botox too.

She’s sitting on the couch, reading a book, oblivious to my presence. Her glasses are perched on her nose. Without a word, I run to her side and lay my head on her lap.

"Salam, Ummi," I smile as she puts the book down and kneads her hands in my hair.

"Walaikum salam, Armaan. How are you?"

"Wallahi, Ummi, I'm tired," I whine.

"OK, thumma dhhab wastarih," she says, kissing my cheeks. (Then go and rest.)

"Yeah, about that—I have a study session at one of my friend's house, Laila. Me and the guys, Aliyu, and Muhammad, along with Abidat, will be there," I say, turning to face her, only to find her smiling.

"Oh, OK. Then shouldn’t you be going? I don’t want you to be late," she says, still smiling in a way that makes me wonder what she’s thinking.

"No, I'm waiting for the boys. They’re coming to pick me up." She hums in acknowledgment, slowly removing her glasses.

"Tata dhakkaruna tajammu alshuwa saha?" (Do you remember the Shuwa gathering I told you about?)

"Ummi, how can I forget? You’ve been talking about it forever. Plus, I want to go too; it’s been a long time since I attended one."

"Well, I just wanted to tell you there’ll be a surprise there." She smiles knowingly, and my ears perk up at the word "surprise." She knows I love surprises.

Mufaja'ah? (Surprise?)

She nods.

"Please, what is it?" Before she can reply, my phone dings. I pull it out from my pocket, revealing a text message from Umar saying they’re outside.

I quickly bid Ummi goodbye, run upstairs to grab my books, and head out.

~

The walk to Laila's house is silent; everyone is lost in their own thoughts. As we reach the house, Umar jogs to the front door and knocks.

Laila swiftly opens the door, her signature smile welcoming us in. Her house is cozy; it reminds me of autumn for some reason, and it smells like it too.

We settle down upstairs as she brings out snacks, then disappears into a room I assume is hers to grab her notes.

"Well, now Abidat is missing. I actually thought you guys bailed on me for a while," she laughs at herself.

"No, we didn’t. Armaan wasted our time," Umar teases between mouthfuls of popcorn, smiling sheepishly as I glare at him.

I’m not fond of Umar because he’s a bit too buddy-buddy with Abidat. I can’t help but wonder if he likes her.

Almost as if she read my thoughts, Abidat walks in, looking as beautiful as ever. She always looks different outside of school uniform, but I’ve never seen her in traditional attire. To say she looks beautiful would be an understatement.

She twirls when one of the boys compliments her, then settles down to read with Laila.

The first few hours go by smoothly. I try my best to concentrate, but it’s as if my eyes have a mind of their own, always drifting to her smooth, beautiful face.

We’re halfway through the study session when someone suggests watching a movie, and I eagerly agree. At least now I won’t be tempted to look at her so often.

She quickly settles on one of the couches while we remain on the carpet.

Halfway through the movie, I notice her eyes drooping as she tries to fight sleep. Eventually, she gives in, resting her head on the armrest.

She looks so cute, so vulnerable, that right there and then, I want to reach over and hug her.

"She looks so cute," Aliyu mentions, causing the rest to glance over at her. I can’t help but nod as Laila takes out her phone and snaps a picture.

"She’s so pretty. I don’t know why she lessens herself so much," Laila mutters under her breath.

I look at her, confused. I want to ask questions, but before I can, Aliyu announces that our Uber is here.

We bid Laila goodbye, and with one more glance at Tahbeer, we leave the house.

~~

Later, I lay in bed, my books wide open, but all I can think about is her. She just seems so familiar, and that name... that name is so common, yet with her, it seems like the only one.

Tahbeer

I push the textbook aside and switch on my phone, looking at the picture Laila sent us of Abidat.

It might seem creepy, but there’s something about her that feels so familiar.

And with drooping eyes, I can’t help but wonder if she’s the same happy girl I used to know.

~~~

The next day is much less interesting, mostly because I rarely see Tahbeer. I catch only glimpses of her in the hallway, where she gives me a small smile.

Coach calls us for football practice, and even as I play, she’s the only one on my mind.

Which is probably why, before I know it, I find myself on the floor with a throbbing ankle.

I can’t see much as dark spots dance around my eyes, but I can make out her face. She’s the first person by my side, examining my leg. My head is pounding from the fall, but I recognize her voice.

Her mouth moves and mind does too though my brain is too foggy for me to make out what I told her.

The boys help me up, but I don’t let go of her hand.

They take me to the clinic, but I still don’t let go of her hand. I want to, considering how hard I’m squeezing it. I know she feels the pain, but she doesn’t let go either.

And even as darkness envelops me, I don’t let go of her hand

~~~

I'm back and alive.

I feel so bad for my armaan baby but we don't always get what we want right?

I decided to quickly whip this chapter up cause there's more loading InshaAllah.

And honestly his point of view always hits different.

Goodbye bitches