LOVE THE WAY IT HURTS

4 : Coward

✧

" Stop! You're already drunk. " Benz exclaimed and took the glass from Pon's hand. At first he doesn't have any idea why Pon suddenly called him back and said that he was willing to meet him after a minute of rejecting him but when he saw the swollen eyes of Pon, he finally understood.

Of course he understands his feelings, cause his heart also beats for someone who can't learn to love him. He like Pon the first time he met him. The way the other smile at him made his heart beat fast for unknown reason. He loves seeing that beautiful genuine smile from Pon. He loves the way Pon's eye shines like star in the night sky. He loves the way Pon knows what will make him happy. He love the way his hair bounce when he jump happily, the way he smile until his eyes disappear, the way he pout when he sulk, the way his eyes form pretty tears when he's sad. It might sound crazy, but Benz loves everything about him even his down side.

" I'm not drunk. " Pon uttered and tried to take the glass from Benz but the other man stopped him. He sighed as he saw Pon rest his head from the bar counter. Even if the music was loud, Benz could clearly hear Pon's sobbing. It makes his heart hurt for a reason. He wanted to take all the pain away from him but he knows he is not the one who can do that.

He noticed Pon's phone ring but it seems the older one didn't care. He was still in his position, silently crying. Benz was fighting himself whether he would take Pon's home or just called Pooh but before he could decide, another call was made from Pon's phone. He reached out the phone and answered.

" Hello? Pon? Where are you? I brought food from your favorite restaurant. I'm here in front of your condo? Why are you not answering? Are you okay? " Benz couldn't even answer because the question kept coming, after the other man stopped talking, Benz was finally able to talk.

" Hi, I'm Benz, Pon's friend. Who are you? " Benz asked. Actually, he didn't even need to ask, he already knows by just looking from the name of the caller.

" Benz? I've never heard about you. I'm Sailub, his...uhm. His friend. Childhood friend. " Sailub stuttered, as if he didn't know how to name his relationship with Pon when it was easy for him to clear it in front of Pat but with this Benz, something inside of Sailub wanted to say how close they are.

" Where is Pon? Why do you have his phone? " Sailub asked trying to erase the thought in his mind.

" He is with me, don't worry. Right now, I'm going to send him home. " Benz responded and Sailub didn't like the idea.

" Where is he? Can I talk to him first? " He insisted, Benz looked at Pon who was now sleeping at the bar counter. Benz has no choice but to answer cause he doesn't actually have an idea where Pon's condo is.

" He actually passed out. He drank a lot, I tried to stop him but he was really stubborn. I can just let him stay in my hous- " Before Benz could finish talking he heard Sailub shout, his tone is kinda scary, as if he was being territorial. Benz didn't understand why the older man would react like that. Every time he talks to Pon about this man, he is always crying, as if this man didn't care about his feelings.

" No. Just send me your location and I will pick him up. " Sailub exclaimed. Benz can't help but just mention where they are.

He waited for the older man to come while he stayed beside Pon. He noticed Pon lift his head to look at him. He was still obviously drunk. He can't help but feels sad when he notices the swollen eyes of the man.

" If only I could teach myself to love you, maybe it wouldn't hurt this much. " Pon muttered with pain in his tone. Benz can't help but caressed Pon's eyes. There are no tears flowing anymore but the pain was still there. Pon shut his eyes feeling Benz's thumb gently brushing into his eyes.

They stayed in that position until someone came beside Pon pulling him away from Benz. Sailub's eyes were sending daggers to Benz but he didn't care. He looked at Pon who was now wrapped around by the older man's embrace. His head was resting on Sailub's chest.

" What do you think you're doing? Taking advantage of someone who is drunk? Stay away from him. " Sailub warned and carried Pon in a bridal style. Benz looked at him before answering.

" If there is someone who should stay away from him, it should be you. " Benz claimed that made Sailub anger grow.

" What do you know about Pon? How dare you said that to me. We've been together since we were kids and you only know him for a short period of time. If there someone who knows him better. It's me. " Sailub affirmed, his mind is getting more messier. He hated that this person infront of him is claiming that he knows Pon more than him. He looked at Pon who was sleeping in his arms and back to Benz.

" You're wrong. It doesn't matter how many years you've known each other. There are things you wouldn't get until you accepted it. " Benz replied before standing in front of him and looked at Pon.

" You didn't even know why he was crying. " Benz continued, there is a clear pain in his voice while staring at Pon. He slowly leaned forward to kiss Pon's forehead which made Sailub back away.

" I'm warning you again! Stay away from him! " Sailub shouted and hurriedly left the bar. Benz watched as they disappeared from his sight. He weakly sat back and asked for another drink.

On the other side, Sailub stared at Pon who was sleeping soundly in the front seat. He stared at the younger man. His eyes were swollen, his nose was red, his face was obviously sad. This image of Pon's made Sailub's heart felt pain.

He hated that deep down, he knew Benz was right. He would never understand Pon unless he accepted what his heart truly desired.

What did Sailub truly want? He knew the answer.

The problem was,
he was just too cowardly to face it.

✧

✍️
Sometimes we are scared to face our own feelings because we were afraid that something would change after that.