CHAPTER 18

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The days following my conversation with Nex passed in a blur. Graduation was just around the corner, and while everyone around me buzzed with excitement, I felt like I was walking through a fog. The weight of unresolved emotions hung heavy in the air, and I struggled to focus on anything beyond the looming finality of my college experience.
As I prepared for the ceremony, I found myself reflecting on the bittersweet moments that had defined my time at school. I thought of late-night study sessions, laughter shared with friends, and the thrill of newfound independence. Yet, intertwined with those memories was the ache of what could have been with Nex. It felt like a shadow that refused to lift, lingering just out of reach. I sat in the common area with Sarah, I noticed the graduation announcements on the wall. Each name was a reminder of the lives that would soon diverge


 "Are you excited for the ceremony?" she asked, her eyes bright with anticipation.

"Yeah, I guess," I said, forcing a smile. "It's just... hard to think about everything ending."

Sarah nodded, sensing my struggle. "It's okay to feel that way. It's a big change. And with everything that happened with Nex..."

"I know," I interrupted, swallowing the lump in my throat. "I thought I could handle it, but it's hard to let go."

"Have you thought about reaching out to him again?" she asked gently. "Closure doesn't always mean you have to be friends, but it could help."

I shook my head. "I don't want to reopen old wounds. We made our choices. I just need to move on."

Graduation day arrived, and the campus was transformed into a vibrant celebration of achievement. Banners fluttered in the breeze, and the air buzzed with laughter and excitement. I donned my cap and gown, feeling both proud and hollow. As I walked across the stage to receive my diploma, each step felt like a farewell to a part of my life that had shaped me in ways I couldn't fully grasp yet. The applause echoed in my ears, but it felt distant, as if I were watching from outside my own body.

After the ceremony, I joined my friends in the courtyard, but my heart wasn't in it. I felt like an outsider, surrounded by joy that felt foreign to me. I was there, yet I was not really present, consumed by thoughts of Nex. I didn't want to look for him, but I couldn't help myself. I scanned the crowd, my heart racing at the thought of seeing him.

Then, I caught a glimpse of him across the lawn, laughter spilling from his lips as he stood with a group of friends. He looked so alive, so carefree, and it twisted like a knife in my chest. I wanted to run to him, to feel that connection again, but I quickly turned away, my heart pounding with the effort of avoiding him.

I was good at avoiding him now, and that fact brought both relief and pain. I had learned the art of distraction—focusing on conversations with friends, laughing at jokes, and pretending that my heart wasn't aching to be near him. But every time I saw him from afar, it felt like a cruel reminder of what I had lost.

As I mingled with classmates, I could feel the emptiness inside me growing. Everyone was celebrating their futures, but mine felt overshadowed by a lingering sense of loss. I watched as people hugged and took photos, capturing moments that felt far removed from my own reality. The smiles around me were bright, yet I felt like I was cloaked in shadows, unable to fully engage.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to confront Nex and tell him how much I missed him, how much I cared. But I knew that would only lead to more heartache. Instead, I plastered on a smile, forcing myself to participate in the festivities while my heart ached for what could never be.When the sun began to set, casting a golden hue over the campus, I slipped away from the crowd, seeking solace in the quiet of the nearby garden. The flowers bloomed vibrantly, but they only reminded me of the beauty I was missing in my own life. I sat on a bench, my thoughts swirling, and let the tears fall freely.

I felt so lost. The weight of everything—the unresolved feelings, the dreams shattered—crushed me. I thought about all the moments we had shared, the laughter, the late-night conversations, the way he made me feel alive. Now, those memories felt like daggers, sharp and painful, each one a reminder of my heart's longing.

In that moment, I realized how much I had tried to bury my feelings. I had convinced myself that moving on was the answer, but the truth was that I still loved him, and that love was a constant ache in my chest. I missed the way he could make me laugh, how he understood me in ways no one else did.

As the evening deepened and the stars began to twinkle above, I felt a profound sense of loneliness. I knew I had to let go, but the thought of doing so felt like losing a part of myself. I took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm inside, but it was futile. The longing for him was too strong.

The ceremony had marked an end, but it also felt like an unfinished story. I had said my goodbyes to friends and the life I had known, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was leaving something vital behind. I glanced back at the crowd, watching as people celebrated their achievements, their futures bright before them. I was happy for them, but the joy felt hollow in my heart.

I lingered in the garden for a while longer, allowing the darkness to envelop me. I wished for a sign, for some clarity on what I should do next. But deep down, I knew there was no easy answer. The path forward would be filled with uncertainty, and the ache of what I had lost would linger long after the celebrations faded.

As I finally stood to leave, I took one last look at the stars twinkling above, a reminder that even in darkness, there could be light. I had to find my own way, my own light amid the pain.


But as I walked away, the weight of my heart felt heavier than ever, reminding me that some stories are not easily resolved, leaving us to navigate the shadows in search of our truth.

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