Secrets {Staig}

Chapter Three

   
     I begin taking slow steps down the stairs, each step echoes throughout the entire stairwell. Once I get down the first half I turn and peek down the rest of the stairs. I see a body.  Somebody's there, I stand straight up and seconds go by before she standing at the bottom of the stairwell.
    "Stan!!" Rebecca exclaims, rushing up and hugging me "Listen, I know you had that whole Wendy thing going on for awhile, but she's already got another date, and I remember how eighth grade went." She's rambling. I can't help but smile lightly. "So I was thinking now would be the perfect time to ask!" She takes a deep breath, finally. "How about it? Should we go to the dance together?"
      I think for a quick moment. Of course Craig wouldn't ask me. And of course I'm not gay for him. I wouldn't say yes even if he did, would I? He doesn't talk to me, or what anything to do with me... so why can't I get him off my mind?
    "I'd love to go to the dance with you, Red" She's ecstatic. I'm happy too, she's not ugly. Shes got some pretty eyes, blue, like... oh god damnit. She hugs me and I return it. I'll stop thinking about him eventually. She and I will have so much fun,  I won't even think about what life would be like with...
    Click. The door, I look up. Out of all the kids at this school, of course it's Craig and Tweek.
    Red smiles and scurries up the stairs to Tweek "He said yes! I knew you were right" she has her arms on his shoulders and is jumping. He laughs and smiles too
    "I'm so happy for you!" I lock eyes with Craig, his eyes... he's got no expression on his face. He makes his way down to me, and suddenly he's face to face with me. His face is tinted pink. Is it always like that? I could fall into his eyes.
    "Congrats man." He states, and I feel my heart break a little inside.
    "Maybe I'll see you there?" I break eye contact, I feel ashamed?
    "Maybe." He states and turns around to view  Tweek and Red, who have sat on the stairs and have begun discussing outfit ideas "We may be traveling in the same car." He states
    "So are they good friends?" I motion towards the two
    "Best. Tweek stays at her house every Friday night. Gave me Saturday nights." He starts "She's my cousin, so when I was introducing Tweek to the family they hit it off." He laughs, then sighs "Hard to remember a time without that guy." I can't tell if he sounds happy or upset by that fact. Maybe he feels like he wants something new? But he can't... or maybe he's just happy with his boyfriend and is pretending he isn't as some overly complicated guy joke
    "Yeah, I remember feeling that way about Wendy, then I remembered she's just a person " I say, duller that I thought I would. "I didn't mean anything to her. So she means nothing to me." I laugh to lighten the mood "Hey, do you wanna come to my house tonight?" I feel myself blush after I ask
    "Craig! Red and I are gonna go shopping after school!" Tweek exclaims, they both rush up to us excitedly, and begin sharing their ideas, eventually agreeing upon one by the time the bell rings. Red has me text her my clothing sizes, they're really going all out for a dance... a dance that doesn't even really matter, alas, I'm glad they're excited.
Tweek and Craig share a kiss, and Red kisses my cheek before the two scurry off together, chatting about which stores they're going to after school. I look beside me and Craig is gone too, soon the hallways fill with children who practically push me to my next class.

After school, I decide to get ice cream before making my drive back to the farm, when I get home I sit at my desk and start knocking out my homework, I discovered if I just do it before I start relaxing, then I end up getting everything done, and a stress free relaxation time.
The sun begins to set, I've spent the day texting Red my opinions about different shirts she picked out for me, and seeing pictures of her, Tweek, and Bebe having a good time at the mall. I wish my friends and I still hung out like that. I haven't been around as much since Kyle and Cartman started acting so strange, and Kenny hasn't been around in who knows how long. He stopped hanging out with us years ago, he's Jimmy's best friend now. He sits with him and butters usually.
"Stan go lock the barn!" Dad yells up the stairs
"I already locked it!"
"Well it's swinging open, so I don't think you did!"
I sigh and get up, grabbing the keys and slipping on my slippers. I walk out and look at the barn door. Swinging open. Huh. I went out there about an hour ago to do some farm chores, and took my own supply, which I'm allowed to do, not in my moms eyes, but my dad doesn't care, of course he wouldn't. I get to the door and swing it shut, locking it securely, unlocking it, and locking it again. Just to make sure I did it correctly.
"Ahhh!!!" Craig says as he grabs my shoulders, I shriek.
"You asshole" I take a couple of deep breaths as he laughs and pats my back
"Had to make an entrance somehow, good thing you were the one that locked that door."
"Did you pick the lock?"
He chuckles "Of course I did, it's child's play. All you're doing is keeping idiots out."
"What are you doing here?"
"You invited me over"
"I didn't know you even heard me, didn't talk to me or anything about it"
"Plans are best made spontaneously, besides, I just got off work"
"What is it you even do?" I being leading him through the back door, a path that will no doubt leave both of us unseen by my parents.
"Don't you worry about what I do." He glares, he sounds serious, almost pissed off that I even asked. What's the big deal?
"Okay..." I open the door to my room and let him inside, he makes himself cozy on my bed. "Do you smoke?" I ask.
He looks at me confused "Why?"
I walk over to the side of the bed he's on, opening the drawer beside him, revealing my stash. "Because I do. But... like don't tell anybody"
"What does it matter?"
"Because everyone thinks I beat that whole cynicism thing"
"I mean I'm not gonna tell anyone, I may have made fun of you for years but I'm no snitch"
    "Thanks." I pull the baggie out and begin packing my bong
    "Is that a ghost?" Craig gestures at the water pipe
    "Yeah! Named him Gloomer" I finish packing it and grab my lighter "Do you want some?" Im gonna feel weird if he watches me.
    "Sure, I'll take some after you" he insists
    So we share it, back and forth, he doesn't seem phased by the amount, but maybe he's good at faking it, or maybe this is normal for him. 

    It's definitely not normal for him.

"Stan do you think that Flo from progressive is a fucking lesbian?"
"Yes I do, Craig" I answer, he's laying across my bed, and I'm sitting at my desk, my feet up. I catch a glimpse of his eyes. He's so far gone, I can hear his chuckles, seemingly from his own thoughts.
    I'm high, but high is different for me now. I would kill to feel what he's feeling right now.
    "Y'know I think the outfits they picked out are kinda ugly" Craig says as he laughs
    "They really are, aren't they?" I laugh back softly, but mine fades out quicker, when the silence revisits us, I take a deep breath "Are you happy with life?"
    There's more silence, for what feels like forever, so long I feel as though I should remind him that I said something, or come up with something more light hearted.
    "Not really, I feel trapped like... all the time." He sighs "but I look at you, and you're so carefree, you do whatever you want, say whatever you want, you're not tied down to a life, not committed to being anywhere, or being anyone."
"Eh it's not so great being me, most people can't stand me, not the real me anyway, so it's best to drown the real me out with someone everyone enjoys" I laugh "it's not great... everyone uses me basically, no relationship there is authentic, and as soon as I leave those walls, none of them think to contact me anymore, not even Cartman and Kyle, who are acting fucking weird now"
    Craig can't contain his laughter "okokokokok" he repeats over and over until he sits up and contains himself a little "promise not to tell anyone?"
    A secret? Craig Tucker wants to tell me a secret? I would be a fool not to take advantage of this opportunity. "Not a soul" I answer
    "Okay so like last Wednesday, Tweek caught them in the janitors closet together"
    "No he didn't."
    "He did dude! He told me Cartman bought his silence with..." he trails off, as though contemplating, he thinks for so long it seems as though he's not gonna continue "...drugs." He finally mutters.
    "Does Tweek smoke?" I motion toward gloomer
    "No he uh..." Craig chuckles lowly, he's uncomfortable, but he can't find his own way out of it. As curious as I am, I decide not to let him sit in that feeling.
     "So why haven't Cartman and Kyle just come out yet?" I move over to the bed, he shifts to allow me space to lay beside him.
      "Kyle's parents, and it's really just Shiela, I'm surprised he wouldn't have told you, you guys were gay for each other the whole time"
      I feel my stomach flip "Kyle's not my type anyway." I think about myself and Kyle. It wouldn't work anyway, he likes his men sober, and addicted to twinkies apparently.
     "Yeah I couldn't see you two working out." He clears his throat "Who could you see yourself with..? Out of the guys anyway" he doesn't seem like he's making conversation. Hes curious. He wants me to tell him it's him.
      I think for a moment "I could see it working with Kenny, if he was less insanely heterosexual"I laugh, he's quiet, but forces a small giggle moments after I'm silent.
      His phone begins to ring and he looks at it, so do I, it's Tweek. He clears his throat and answers the phone "Hey babe" he's quiet for a moment "Well it's not my job to sit there and wait for you to get back." He rolls his eyes "Okay well why don't you bring your ass over here and suck my dick yourself if you want to so bad" I can hear him screaming on the other end. I don't think that's what Tweek said. "Listen, I'll be home soon okay? Just wait in my room" he pauses for a moment "and don't let Laura see you" he hangs up. Not even a 'love you'. Huh. He sits up and stretches, a large amount of his bones crack.
    "Hey listen, thanks for inviting me over, even if you didn't know you did" he chuckles looking at my bong "hey could I take some of that bud home with me?" He gestures toward my large amount in the drawer.
     "Yea but first I have to ask, do you have anything to smoke it out of?"
     He looks down, contemplating lying "no" he mutters
    I let out a deep laugh "dude don't be embarrassed" I go to the other side of the bed and open the drawer, revealing all my pieces I've gathered over the four years I've been smoking. "I just wanted to make sure you're not taking home a useless plant that you don't know how to use." I pull out a grinder, a bong, and a pipe. "So you'll need the grinder, just to break up the small pieces so they fit into this part" I motion toward the bowl on both pieces. "I'm giving you a pipe and a bong so you have a choice, I personally prefer bongs, if you make the water cold, it hits smoother, makes you cough less" I explain, I give some more details, but there's not much to say. I give him a sizable plastic bag of bud, and put the pieces in a crown royal bag. "This is for you"
     He thanks me and heads out. I have a lot of time to sit and think to myself. It got so quiet in here.